


Consequence

by Mosspool13



Series: Reward & Consequence [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Dreams, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-15
Updated: 2019-04-15
Packaged: 2019-11-27 01:41:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 28,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18188141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mosspool13/pseuds/Mosspool13
Summary: The dreams come frequently now. Sometimes they're hard to remember when Fjord wakes up, just the image of water, the memory of skin on skin, sand in his hair and fingers tight on his shoulders. Other times, they are more concrete, blue eyes turning yellow, a mouth moving but the voice is different, lower, resonant. Some of them fill Fjord with a sense of exhilaration, the first swoop of the stomach after a sharp plummet, the feel of having your lungs punched, disoriented before your head breaks the surface and you inhale that first gasp of breath.But most of them just leave him with a sense of dread.





	Consequence

**Author's Note:**

> A continuation of _Reward_
> 
> [See end notes for fic-related spoilers/trigger warrnigs]

He's got his hands around Caleb, tight and slippery with the slushing of sea water spray. Caleb is panting into his shoulder and Fjord presses an open mouth kiss to Caleb's neck, increasing his pace. Caleb huffs, hands flailing and tugging on Fjord's skin, trying to get purchase but the sea water is making it difficult and Fjord chuckles low in his throat when Caleb makes a cussing noise and abandons that pursuit to steady himself in the sand with his hands.

He's muttering in Zemnian now, quick, harsh sounds that make Fjord feel a burn of triumph in his gut as he presses another kiss, trailing down a freckled shoulder.

"Fjord." Caleb gasps, warning, his accent pronouncing the 'j', and Fjord nods, makes a sharp twist of his wrist and he can feel Caleb shuddering down the length of his side.

"Fuck." He finishes, once he has settled, and Fjord sits up, giving him space as Caleb flops, boneless, to the ground. The water recedes from where Fjord has been kneeling in it, taking with it the evidence, and disappearing with the tides back to where it came from in the ocean at Fjord's back. He feels a sharp contentment, looking down at Caleb who is flushed so prettily in the sunlight, still pale but pink in all the right places. His own need is a sharp reminder against his thigh, but it is secondary to this, Caleb glowing beneath him, and Fjord knows that he is fine like this, doesn't even need it after all.  

There is sand in Caleb's beard and Fjord lets out a brief chuckle at the sight, brushing his thumbs through the tattered edges, rough, to brush it clean. "We were just in the water and you're already dirty." He teases.

Caleb blinks at him with one eye, almost like a wink but it's too slow to be one, and he sits up, grabbing Fjord's hands where he's trying to brush the sand from his bristled cheeks. "Do not bother, I will be dirty again once we resume our trek on the road."

Fjord huffs but relents. Caleb's desire to stay perfectly filthy has always been a staple thing to Fjord. He half-expects that Caleb does it now mostly to amuse Jester, who always makes a comment about it at least once a day. Fjord barely remembers the time when Jester's comments about Caleb's smell used to annoy him--used to make a furrow in his brow. Now his mouth ticks up a spell, just on the corner, when Jester giggles.

Fjord's eyes fall to the bare skin of Caleb's arms. He still hasn't rewrapped his bandages around the skin of his forearms, leaving the indents and scars on full display for the Nein. Fjord is pleased that he is comfortable enough, one, having given them the secret, and two, allowing them a glimpse of it every day. It's nice to know that Caleb trusts them now, enough, to bare that little part of himself before them.

Speaking of bare... Fjord begins to flush a little. They are still quite naked, and he can see the others a little ways away, splashing in the shallows (Jester), sitting on the rocks (Beau), or playing with critters in the sand (Nott), or just wading in the sea (Caduceus). Fjord can't see Yasha, but she must just be wandering up and down the beach.

Fjord narrows his eyes. He realizes he recognizes the beach. Nicodranas, just outside the city, the beach they had gone to before meeting Jester's mother. He sees a flash of energy, like a ripple being opened, and a small puppy pops in and out of existence, running headlong for Jester, who has her arms open expectantly. Nugget, of course, and Fjord is used to Blink spells, used it himself, seen it performed by Jester and Nugget on occasion, but Nugget is much bigger now, near full-grown in fact--

Caleb touches Fjord's elbow and Fjord looks over at him, catching the frown on Caleb's face. "Are you alright, my friend?"

"Yeah, I-I think so." Fjord looks around, looks out at the waves. "Do you remember this, Caleb?"

"Remember what?"

Fjord motions to the beach. The crystallization on the waves, the sun dappling the sky, the fucking _owl_ flying above their heads. Beau's owl, Professor--something, Fjord hadn't really been paying attention, admittedly, when she'd named it.

"Fjord." Caleb prompts again and Fjord looks at him, feeling his heart beating fast. "Breathe."

"Yeah, I'm," He shakes his head, breathes in once then out, fully, letting his chest expand and his heart slow. "Thank you." He says, smiling tightly at Caleb whose brow is furrowed. "It's just, I feel like I've gone back in time."

Caleb's eyebrows raise. "And you are... sure of this?"

"Kind of fucking sure, considering Nugget's still a puppy dog and all." Fjord looks over at the panting dog, licking Jester's face while she laughs. He remembers it now, Jester had been teaching the blink dog commands, and Nott had been playing with seagulls and crabs--and yep, there she was, fighting a crab that had her by the finger. But... he and Caleb hadn't...done _that_ when they'd been here the first time. Caleb had been floating and Fjord had spooked him a little bit, sure, but they hadn't clutched at each other, kissed, Fjord definitely hadn't gotten Caleb off in the sand.

"Caleb I think there's something seriously--" Fjord turned back to his wizard companion and looked into Caleb's glowing yellow eyes. Fjord's throat constricted, tight with horror as a rumbling voice echoed out of Caleb's throat.

_Watching_

***

The dreams come frequently now. Sometimes they're hard to remember when Fjord wakes up, just the image of water, the memory of skin on skin, sand in his hair and fingers tight on his shoulders. Other times, they are more concrete, blue eyes turning yellow, a mouth moving but the voice is different, lower, resonant. Some of them fill Fjord with a sense of exhilaration, the first swoop of the stomach after a sharp plummet, the feel of having your lungs punched, disoriented before your head breaks the surface and you inhale that first gasp of breath.

But most of them just leave him with a sense of dread.

*** 

"I'll take first watch." Fjord offers, right before the Nein are about to bed down for the night. Jester perks up and starts to open her mouth to join him but Caduceus' smooth, low voice beats her to it.

"I wouldn't mind staying up tonight with you, Mr. Fjord."

Fjord inclines his head to the firbolg. "Alright, Duece."

Jester pouts but relents, and the rest of the Nein head off to sleep for the night. Fjord situates himself just on the far edge of Caleb's hut, enough that he is still within its confines but able to see a few yards into the distance. Caduceus takes the spot directly beside him.

"How are you doing, Mr. Fjord?" Caduceus speaks up, after a short piece of silence.

"Fine." Fjord begins, tilting a smile Caduceus' way. "Today was... good." And it had been. A very calm evening spent mostly shopping and walking around the town they'd past through. It had been a long time since they'd entered a town and not gotten themselves wrapped up in its business--be it fighting gnolls, joining rebellions, stopping demons from using portals to invade, or beating up creepy stalkers. It had been quiet, quaint, the sound of Jester's laughter as she messed with shop inventory, Nott's triumphant grin after a successful pickpocket, Beau and Caduceus teaming up for a successful barter (and wasn't that a treat), and Yasha's straightforward interest in the weapons displayed on the smithy walls. 

Caleb's eyes lighting up when he found a bookshop. Entering the store and becoming increasingly more animated as he browsed. Picking out a book to buy with a small, satisfied smile on his face. His disappointment when he realized he didn't have enough coin to buy it.

And Caleb's surprised but soft, "thank you" when Fjord bought it for him.  

Caduceus watched Fjord and smiled, as if he could tell what he was thinking about and Fjord flushed a little, hoping it wasn't so plainly obvious on his face. He was usually better about keeping his masks in place. "That's nice. But I was more asking in reference to your dreams as of late." 

Fjord eyed him warily. Caduceus smiled back at him, calm and patient. "You're talkin' about that dream I told you about before, about dying, yeah?" 

Caduceus nodded. "Have you had any more?" 

Fjord felt like lying. He could see it, his mask sliding into place, putting on a sheepish, slightly worried face, schooling his tone into something mildly confused and slightly melancholic. But it was Caduceus, and Caduceus was possibly the only one in the Nein who could see behind Fjord's masks (barring, possibly, Jester) and lying just felt wrong in the face of Caduceus' honest, patient concern. 

Because telling the truth meant revealing to Caduceus about Uk'otoa's _reward_ , about Fjord's conflict and embarrassed desire for it. Fjord wasn't stupid, he knew that whatever Uk'otoa promised him was no guarantee, and that more than likely it was just a way to get him to go to the third temple to release him.

But every time he had another dream, Fjord grappled with his want and his morals. Because he did want it, he wanted it so badly.  

"No more... death dreams." He begins, haltingly. "I do have others, different. They're complicated." 

Caduceus hums and tilts his head. That never-ending patience situated in his expression. Fjord hesitates to say more, biting his upper lip with his tusk, before he finally slumps in defeat. "Uk'otoa is trying to entice me with some sort of reward."

"Ah." Caduceus nods and smiles, pleased with Fjord's honestly and Fjord flushes in the face of it, aware suddenly of the fact that if he had tried to lie, Caduceus would have known immediately. "The Wildmother has her own ways and your patron has theirs," he reaches over and touches Fjord's arm, gently, in his soft furry hand, "but I am concerned for you. If your patron's dreams become more violent..." His big doe eyes blink at Fjord and Fjord feels his breathing settle just looking at him. Caduceus usually has that effect on him.

"Could you, possibly, ask your Wildmother for guidance?" Fjord says, quietly. "I know that's a selfish thing to ask--"

"I have already asked her." Caduceus says, leaning back. "She tells me that her reach is limited to those under another being's domain," his ears flap just slightly. "But even a little prayer can go a long way." 

Fjord closes his eyes. It is good to know that a goddess like The Wildmother is, at least, aware of Uk'otoa and what could happen, even if she cannot interfere. Every little bit helps, as Caduceus says. "Thanks, Caduceus."   

The firbolg sits down and smiles, "You are welcome." He begins to fiddle with the tray of teacups in front of him, pouring and preparing, a ritual that is soothing in its familiarity, and Fjord keeps one eye on their surroundings and one eye on the cups in Caduceus' hands.  

***

Fjord could feel the alcohol in his system churning his belly in unforgiving ways. Beau was face down on the table, drooling a little if Fjord's eyes weren't deceiving him, and Yasha was leaning against the table, arms crossed as she surveyed the crowd. Nott was chugging a drink, glaring at a dwarf across from her as they both lifted their glasses, at least twice the size of both of their heads, and downed each gulp, their throats working. Just watching them made Fjord want to stagger to the privy and throw up his guts.

Caleb was on his right, nursing his own pint, cheeks faintly flushed, as his eyes moved back and forth between Nott and the dwarf. Jester, on Caleb's other side, nudged him lightly with her elbow. "Do you want to dance, Caleb?"

Caleb looked up at her, looking a little muzzy from the alcohol. " _Ja_. It could not hurt." He said and Fjord snorted, remembering the one time he had agreed to dance with Jester and had gotten his toes stepped on.

Jester whooped and grabbed Caleb's hand, dragging him onto the floor. Fjord watched them awkwardly shuffle into position before they began to turn and twirl to the music, Jester grinning and Caleb, his eyes closed, smiling softly down at her. They looked happy, and Fjord felt settled for the first time in a long time, happy to be with his friends.

They turned together, and Caleb opened his eyes over Jester's shoulder, their eyes met. Caleb leaned down and whispered something to Jester, before she turned and beckoned over to Fjord to join them.

Before Fjord could stand up, a body sat down in the seat next him, tail flicking in his peripheral, and a hand rested on his shoulder proprietarily, forcing him to stay seated. Fjord turned and got a glimpse of white teeth in a purple face. "Back already?" Fjord asked, shaking his head affectionately. "How are you not dead drunk?" He probably shouldn't have shaken his head, it was beginning to spin a little.

Molly grinned back at him. "I have excellent tolerance." He slid into Fjord's seat, pushing him to the edge and wrapped his arm over Fjord's shoulder, pressing close. "So, buddy, want to explain what the hell is going on?"

Fjord glanced up at Molly. His face was a little shimmery around the edges, and Fjord blinked a few times to see if he could make him come into focus. "What do you mean?"

Molly sighed and gently cupped Fjord by the chin. He gently moved Fjord's face so it focused on the dancing couple of Caleb and Jester, and then back to Nott, and then to the sleeping Beau, and finally over to towering Yasha. "Nothing about this seems odd to you?"

Fjord shook his head in Molly's hold and Molly sighed and patted his cheek, letting him go.

"Fjord!" Jester called to him and she and Caleb had stopped dancing now. Jester was smiling and laughing, the light playing off her eyes and making them look yellow. "Come dance with us! It'll be lots and lots of fun, promise! I won't even step on you this time." Her eyes shone. "Not on accident anyway."

Fjord huffed a laugh and turned back to Molly. "You coming?" He inclined his head to Jester and Caleb, waiting.

Molly barely glanced at them, his sole attention on Fjord. "You really shouldn't join them, Fjord."

Fjord chuckled. "I know I'm two steps away from passing out but I think I got one song in me, maybe." He started to rise.

Molly moved lightning-fast, lifting one leg over and straddling Fjord in his seat. Fjord, still heavy with drink, leaned backwards, hands coming up to grip Molly's arms in confusion, to steady him and himself. "Molly?" Molly wrapped his arms around Fjord's neck and leaned close, obscuring Fjord's view of Jester and Caleb, who had begun to frown in concern at him.

Molly looked him in the eye, so close that Fjord could see his reflection in the red color. "I'm telling you this because you are in a really fucked up situation, and I'd really hate for you to join me here in the afterlife over something stupid, okay? So get your act together, alright?" And when he'd finished, he pressed a brief, light kiss to Fjord's forehead.

There was a sound, like the crash of waves and the low resonant boom of something roaring. And then. Nothing.

 

When Fjord woke up, his eyes were wet, and he had no memory of the reason why.   

***

Things settled after that, and Fjord could never figure out why. His dreams were his own, miss-matched amalgamations of memories, or fantasies, but they remained only that--no resonant voices or eerie glowing eyes, or a patron's disapproval and hungry insistent like a balm on Fjord's skin.

The others noticed how Fjord was more energetic, not as weighed down; not as exhausted as he had been for the past few weeks, the last month even.

Beau clapped him on the shoulder one morning after a successful bartering session with a merchant. Fjord had charmed the lady into only needing to pay half the gold for some health potions, with a free bonus of a vial of strength to go with it. Fjord had felt strangely confident, over the moon, due to the success and he hadn't even felt intensely embarrassed over the flirting he'd had to do. 

"Glad to see you're back in shape, buddy." She said, exchanging a grin with Fjord. 

"Yeah, I've been a bit off lately, but I think things have worked out for now." He had been a little worried that, after a few days without dreams, that he'd go into battle one day and the magic wouldn't spark from his fingertips as easily as words came to his brain. But he'd had no issues casting eldritch blasts, or misty steps, and even the more dangerous, stronger magic came as quickly and effortlessly as it had before. Fjord was still uneasy, but so far there was nothing to be uneasy about. 

"Keep it up." Beau said, slapping him again, harder this time, enough to make Fjord wince, before she stalked away. Caduceus came up to his side when Beau left and touched his shoulder where her slam had come, casting a bit of a mild spell to heal what was beginning to bruise. 

"Thanks, Deuce." Fjord said and Caduceus smiled at him and continued on. Perhaps those prayers really had worked. 

 

But it seemed he had spoken too soon. 

He was submerged in pitch black. He couldn't see, but he knew that he was underwater--he could feel how heavy his limbs were, wading in the depths. There was something inching up his legs, coiling and slick in ways the water was not, cold and slimy, and they rose up and up Fjord's waist, stomach, chest, throat, until they tightened like coils around him. His breath left him in a whoosh, and he coughed to try to gain it back, but the pressure increased and Fjord felt himself both being strangled to death and drowning. 

It was familiar. Another dream long ago, killed by his patron, and it was happening again, although this time, there was no eyeball, no intoned words.  _Punishment_ did not break the silence of Fjord's desperate choking. 

He was just alone. In the dark. Being crushed to death. 

A consequence for resisting that needed no statement to be heard. Uk'otoa didn't need to say a word. Fjord knew. If he didn't do what his patron wanted, he would not have a third chance. 

 

He woke up choking, salt water and blood expunged from his body in rivulets, as though he really had been suffocated and drowned. It was hard to breathe, and Fjord choked and choked until everything had been expelled, and then he was just exhausted. His hand reached up to press against his chest, where his heart was, to make sure it was still beating. It was faint but there, a fast rapid pulse of it. 

When he looked up and his eyes finally adjusted, Fjord could see Caleb and Yasha hovering over him. Caleb's eyes were wide and his lips white from how thin they were, pressed into a line. Yasha was pale, paler than usual, sickly almost, and her fingers were outstretched, faintly glowing with her healing hands. Over Yasha's shoulder, he could see Beau looking furious, and Nott just a step behind Caleb, her eyes sad. There was the sound of a sob to Fjord's right and he turned to the spot where Jester had been sleeping beside him. She was up now, on her knees, tears trailing down her cheeks and she hiccoughed when Fjord met her gaze. 

She mouthed his name, and more tears fell, _plick plick_ , to the grassy floor where they'd made camp that night, still protected within Caleb's hut.  

Protected from outside forces, but internal battles, especially those within one's dreams, had no defense against. 

Caduceus moved from his other side, where he had been sitting, and motioned for Caleb and Yasha to move back. When they had, he leaned over Fjord, looking worried. He reached out with his hand and touched Fjord's chest, pumping healing magic into Fjord's skin. Usually, whenever any of their clerics cast their healing magic on him, Fjord felt a calmness and a warmth invade his body, soothing aches and pains, stitching up cuts and mending bones and bruises. He felt nothing when Caduceus' hand met his skin, just cold and fatigue. 

Caduceus frowned and pulled his hand back, looking down at his open palm. "It's not working." He said, the first words to break the silence that had permeated the hut. 

Jester pushed forward immediately. "L-let me, let me try, I can--" She touched Fjord's shoulder, also pumping her magic into him but Fjord still didn't feel a thing, and he could on Jester's tear-stained face when she realized her magic wasn't working either. "I-It's not working!"

Like a flood from a dam, noise returned. Beau began cursing, stomping around the hut, and Nott tried to placate her. Yasha moved to Jester's side and touched her shoulder and Jester straightened and leaned towards Fjord again, her hands out. "Maybe, maybe my spell wasn't strong enough! Let me try again, maybe I can--"

"Save your magic." Caleb interrupted her, still staring at Fjord. Jester protested but Caduceus shook his head at her too. Caleb continued without looking away. "We do not know what sort of thrall he could be under--our magic could make it worse, but it is clear that this is the work of his patron, yes?" His eyes narrowed at Fjord, daring him to lie or avoid the question but Fjord only nodded and Caleb sat back, satisfied.

"Have you had any more... dreams like that?" Yasha asks, quietly. Her eyes are a little wide. He remembers asking Yasha about her patron's dreams too, and how Yasha had seemed confused why Fjord's dreams were so shifty.

Fjord doesn't answer, but Caduceus does. "He had one while we were following Nott to her husband." Caduceus nods at Nott, who, still talking to Beau, turns just the side of her head as if she is listening.

"All the way back then!?" Jester exclaims, horrified. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Fjord tries to speak but his throat closes up over the words and makes him cough. He feels like he's swallowing nails.

Jester puts a hand to Fjord's throat, touching gently, her fingers cool against the sweat coating it. It hurts a little where she touched, but he ignores the pain and sighs into it. Jester whimpers a little. "Are you--? Is your throat hurt? Can you talk?"

"Yeah." Fjord croaks, his voice coming out scratchy and raw and it burned but he struggled through it. "Hurts to swallow." He added.

"Don't talk, okay?"

Caleb moved then, to his bedroll, pulling out his books one by one, and began to flip through them earnestly, almost violently--and for Caleb to treat his books in such a fashion was so foreign that even Yasha, who had been standing at the side, watching their conversation, made a move as if to stop him.

"There is a spell I can try, something that could allow me to join you in your dreams, and possibly wake you up if need be, should things turn for the worse." He said, standing up with one of the tomes in his hand. He returned to their side and plopped down with the book open in his lap. 

"You can do that?" Jester asked, wiping her cheek of tears and leaning forward, interest and excitement softening her expression from its twisted misery.  

" _Ja_ , with a bit of study."

"That's amazing, Caleb!"

Fjord thought so too, but knowing that Caleb would be able to see into his dreams made the wonderment less... wonderful. Fjord began to sit up. Caduceus and Jester both tried to stop him but Fjord ignored them. "It's not that I'm not grateful, 'cause I am," Fjord began. He schooled his expression, hoping he looked confused and concerned, and inflected as much worry into his voice as he could, pushing through the pain and rawness. "But, I don't want you to be in danger." He didn't want Caleb to see into the fantasies that Uk'otoa provides him, or the fantasies that Fjord conjures of his own will. He knew Caleb didn't feel the same way about him, and showing him Fjord's appreciation would be both too embarrassing and would probably send Caleb running for the hills.

"Stop with the self-sacrificing bullshit." Beau said. Nott had finally calmed her down, and the two of them were standing over Caleb's shoulder. Beau had her arms crossed and, despite the tightening of her knuckles and her tapping foot, and the irritated scowl on her face, she looked, well, as calm as Beau could look. "Your patron could fucking kill you. You need all the help you can get."

Caleb nodded, looking up from his book so he could look Fjord in the eye. "Beauregard is correct. We have already gone to the seas, joined a life of piracy and unsealed two temples for you. This is only the next destination." His eyes were blue sparks, his face determined. It was the look Caleb had when he was about to do something crazy to turn the tides in their favor, be it casting a wall of fire across the pew of Avantika's ship, or handing over the dodecahedron to The Bright Queen.

It sent a ripple of want down Fjord's spine.

It also filled him with dread.

Because if Caleb was determined, then there was no stopping him.

Fjord slumped, defeated, and the rest of the Mighty Nein began a start in their efforts to save their warlock.

*** 

When Caleb finally was ready, it had been five days since the incident. Fjord's voice was still healing, his throat bruised from the strain of choking. It turns out, blood and salt water do not mix. They had discovered that healing potions did not work, and Jester had tried the next morning with her magic to no effect. Fjord was forced to have to heal the long and hard way. Petty bastard.

Caleb's eyes were ringed in circles and he looked exhausted, but he stood at the end of the table during dinner that night and said, low and insistent. "We can try it tonight." 

Fjord had stopped in the middle of eating his soup, the only thing he could eat without pain, and let the spoon in his hand settle back against the rim of his bowl. Jester, beside him, perks up, gripping Fjord's forearm. She'd been taking it the hardest of them all. She tries her healing spells at least once a day in the morning, in case they wake up one day and the magic should work, but it never does. That morning, she had touched Fjord's throat with her glowing palm, and whispered low and mournful, "I feel so useless." Fjord had cupped her cheek, then, and told her about the time they had been kidnapped by the Iron Shepherds, how useless he'd felt, tied up, forced to listen to his companions' screams and cries when they were tortured, only able to feel like he was protecting them when he was on the chopping block instead, and about how Jester's singing, high voice, each night, had been the one thing to keep his spirits up. That her singing had been what saved him those nights. 

They split at the staircase and Caleb motions to Fjord to follow him. Fjord does so reluctantly, the others eyeing them as they enter one of the room they had booked for the night. The two beds sit side by side in the room, and Fjord usually wouldn't make a big deal out of it, but he feels like his skin is buzzing and he feels as uncomfortable as he had been when he'd first started rooming with Caduceus after Molly's death.

"Take a seat." Caleb says and Fjord does so, sitting down on one of the beds, spine straight. Caleb watches him, holding his tome in his hand and huffs at Fjord. "Relax, Fjord. This will only work if you fall asleep."

"I could always just stay awake. Uk'otoa's less likely to kill me if I don't sleep." Fjord jokes, laughing uncomfortably. Caleb eyes him and Fjord lets the laugh trail away, sighing. "Sorry."

Caleb sits down on the bed across from Fjord, facing him, and snaps his fingers. Frumpkin appears, suddenly, in the spot beside Fjord, orange tabby fur bright against the dull color of the bed sheets. He starts purring immediately, moving into Fjord's lap. Fjord's nose begins to tickle but he holds back his immediate response to sneeze and awkwardly holds Frumpkin in his lap. "You can hold Frumpkin," Caleb says, expression pinched, brow furrowed, "if you need to." Fjord's nose wrinkles and Caleb adds, "I can change him into something else if your allergies are an issue?"

Fjord feels a thrum of fondness swirl in his stomach. Caleb would go out of his way to change Frumpkin into another form just so that Fjord didn't have a tickle in his throat. "s'alright Caleb." Fjord sniffs a little. "I'll manage." He ducks his head and awkwardly pets Frumpkin behind the ears. The tabby cat purrs louder and nudges into Fjord's hand. He looks up at Caleb who is watching the two of them, his mouth soft. "Thank you." Fjord says, when their eyes meet. 

Caleb nods and turns away, going through the pouch at his hip and pulling out a handful of sand and a bottle of ink. He reaches for the bedside table and takes a quill and looked back up at Fjord, the bottle of ink sitting on his thigh, the sand in one hand and the quill in the other. "Close your eyes." 

"Lie down?" Fjord asks, still petting Frumpkin. His nervousness is beginning to come back, but if he focuses on the rhythm of Frumpkin's purring he can ignore it for the moment. 

Caleb shrugs. "Sit, lie down, it does not matter. You will be asleep soon enough." Caleb dips the quill into the ink bottle and waits. Fjord sighs and does as Caleb tells him, trusting him.  

There is a moment of silence, just the sound of their breathing and Frumpkin's purr. Then, the creak of a bed and the approach of feet. Caleb's hand rests cautiously on Fjord's shoulder and a cold sensation touches the skin of Fjord's forehead. "Breathe." Caleb advises, and then draws a pattern into Fjord's skin. Fjord breathes, listening to Frumpkin and taking in his proximity to Caleb. It is not very often that the two of them are so close to each other, barring the times they have held each other up while wounded, or the moments during cons. Once, Fjord had wrapped his arm around Caleb's waist, pulling them flush together, like lovers, in an effort to play up a relationship that wasn't there to a group of suspicious guards. His arm had tingled for hours afterwards. 

Sand suddenly erupts in Fjord's face, and Fjord startles, scaring Frumpkin in his lap and causing Fjord to sneeze, loudly. 

"Ah, sorry." Caleb says, not sounding sorry, and Fjord chuckles. 

He grabs for the little bit of confidence within himself, of Vandren's drawl and a flash of Sabien's swagger. Flirting is easy when your target isn't the person you're actually interested in. Fjord grins, eyes still closed, "There are other ways to get me all dirty, Caleb."

Caleb doesn't respond, and Fjord begins to second guess himself and his stupid attempt at a joke, of banter, when Caleb's thumb brushes against his cheek, swiping at what Fjord presumes is sand from his skin. " _Ja_ , I can think of a few."

Fjord's eyes snapped open, disbelief surely stark on his face. Caleb was smiling at him, the curl of his mouth high, heavy with amusement, and Fjord flushed immediately at how obvious he must look. He's usually better at keeping his emotions hidden, beneath the surface, as good as he is at putting on masks, using accents, being someone else. Caleb blasted his control right out of the water with a single smirk. "You are always so unflappable when you are being charming. And yet you blush so easily when Jester flirts with you, or otherwise. You are a strange fellow."

Fjord felt his face getting hot as his flush deepened. "I've already told you that I'm not real great with... romantic stuff."

Caleb's eyebrow raised. "You seemed to do alright with Avantika."    

Fjord closed his eyes, pulse dropping and slowing as he settled back. "There wasn't anything romantic about that."

Caleb said nothing, but his hand moved to Fjord's shoulder and he squeezed, lightly, before pulling away. Fjord appreciated it, the silent support. He wasn't entirely truthful either about the romantic bits. The sexual frightened him more deeply, but it was something he could understand. Avantika's interest he had understood--someone like her, indebted to Uk'otoa, someone she could see herself in. Fjord hated to admit it, but he had seen something of himself in Avantika too, though he had chosen the Mighty Nein over her. He would do it again in a heartbeat. He wasn't a virgin, no, but his preferences were... different, and Fjord was afraid that his interest in Caleb, though he had no illusions that it would ever be returned, if it _did_ , he was afraid that those preferences would not be compatible. It was the reason Sabien hadn't wanted anything to do with him, Fjord thinks, among other things, and because Sabien was a shit, and their relationship had been a one-off anyway, though Fjord had, at one point, wanted more.

Of course, those feelings paled in comparison to what he felt for Caleb.

Fjord can hear Caleb puttering about and he lies down on the bed, eyes closed and thinking. He doesn't even notice when he drifts off, or when Caleb's hand touches his forehead and his voice mutters a single word, "Dream."

***

Fjord has his arms around the rope, straining as he pulls, drawing the sail back to full. He can hear Vandren shouting commands at his back, and the returning shouts of his crewmates as Fjord gets to work. Sabien is pulling on the other rope across from Fjord, his arms and muscles stark as he tugs, making it look easy. Fjord curses under his breath and pulls harder. Even with his orc-ish blood, Fjord has never been able to keep up a solid muscle tone no matter how hard he tries, unlike Sabien.

Sabien notices Fjord struggling and smirks at him, taunting, "Need a hand, orc-face?"

Fjord scowls at him and opens his mouth to tell him off, but another hand takes the rope in Fjord's, and begins to help him tug, Fjord looks over and finds Caleb, looking up at the mast, and pulling with his thin arms. "I am no Jester or Yasha, but two of us should be able to pull this, _ja_?" He says and Fjord grins and nods and pulls with him. It's still hard, but with the two of them combining their strength, they manage to get the sail up and ready.

Sabien saunters over, his eyes narrowed. He takes a look at the sail and then looks Caleb up and down, unimpressed. "Don't know why the Captain brought you on board when you're just as twig-sized as this guy here," he jabs a thumb at Fjord and Fjord roughly pushes him, hoping to knock him off balance for a moment. It doesn't work, only leaves Sabien grinning at Fjord with a cruel slant to his mouth.

"Fuck off, Sabien." Fjord says, rough, and Sabien shakes his head, and childishly mimics an orc's tusks by pressing two of his fingers against his mouth. Fjord sends him the middle finger when he turns his back, and looks over at Caleb, who looks strangely intrigued, and decked out in a dirty swatch of robes and a blue scarf. "What are you wearing?" Fjord asks, smiling. "Vandren's not going to be too pleased about that attire. We have a bit of a reputation, you know."

Caleb looks Fjord up and down, at his work clothes, overalls and crisp white shirt underneath, the high boots and fingerless gloves. " _Ja_ , I can see that." His mouth twitches.

Fjord flushes, feelings embarrassed for reasons he doesn't quite understand, but shakes it off. He points to Caleb's scarf. "I mean, I like the look, but you could get that caught in something real dangerous real fast."

Caleb fingers his scarf, looking at it a moment, before he looks back up at Fjord. He licks the bottom of his lip, once, and then says, randomly, "I am not used to your voice being..." he trails off.

Fjord looks out at his crewmates working and turns back to Caleb, "What about my voice?"

Caleb glances over at Vandren, who is still shouting commands, gesturing at some barrels and using his stern, captain's face. Fjord smiles fondly at the sight. Caleb turns back to Fjord and shakes his head. "It is nothing."

"Alright." Fjord shrugs. "Well we shouldn't stand around doing nothing, or Vandren will have our hide." Fjord moves to head towards his next task, but Caleb touches his elbow, stopping him.

"Fjord, there is, uh," Caleb pauses and looked out at the sea. Vandren's ship is still docked and they haven't set sail yet, but the water is glistening, vibrant and calling out to Fjord. Caleb's eyes watch the waves, narrowed, intent, before he turns back to Fjord, mouth thin and straight, " _I have a message for you_."

The words resonant in Fjord, and Fjord realizes, slowly, as if through a fog, that Caleb is using _magic_. The air around them shimmers, and the boat slides away, Vandren's voice, barking orders, fades until the only sound Fjord can hear is his heartbeat. The scenery changes into grass, and firm ground, Caleb is still holding his elbow and wearing his dirty clothes and scarf, but Fjord is now wearing his familiar leathers. They are standing in a field, a familiar field and Fjord realizes they are standing just outside the City of Zadash, and that he can see their cart just behind Caleb's shoulder. Jester is sitting on one of the horses, Nott holding the reigns on the cart, and Beau is lounging with her feet up next to Caduceus who is smiling. Yasha is walking beside the cart and to Fjord's honest delight, Molly is walking with her, his tail swishing and his teeth gleaming as he talks animatedly next to her.

"Caleb what--?"

" _You are dreaming_." Caleb says, in that same, wispy, magic-enhanced voice. " _I was testing the limits that my spell has_." He looks around their surroundings, eyes lingering on the group behind him and he smiles, soft. Fjord is entranced by the sight of it. He turns back to Fjord, " _I'm going to end the spell now._ " He reaches up and touches Fjord's forehead, just a brief press of his thumb, before he fades away.

And the rest of the dream with him.

 

When Fjord wakes up, he is lying on his back on the bed. He turns his head to the side bed, where Caleb is sitting up, a book in his hands, as he reads beside the faint glow of lamp light. Caleb turns a page and looks up, noticing Fjord's eyes open and sits up straighter, leaning forwards towards him. "Guten morgen." He says, as if he hadn't just been walking around in Fjord's dreams, and changing them with his magic.

Fjord blinks and groans, pressing his arm to his eyes. "Is it gonna be like that all the time?"

Caleb shrugs. "We were lucky that Uk'otoa did not visit you, I was able to get a good idea of what I can and cannot do with my magic."

Fjord doesn't answer for a while, still thinking about Caleb looking at him and saying, _"I am not used to your voice being--"_ "...How long were you in there?"     

Caleb turns another page in his book, hums, "Dreams are never linear. They do not start at the beginning, and there are at times multiple dreams in each session of sleep. It has been four hours since you first went under, and three since I activated the spell."

Fjord groans again. "So you've been in my head for three hours."

Caleb doesn't look up from his book, unconcerned. "I was testing the limits of my magic. When I felt I knew enough I ended the spell. You did not wake with me."

"So... how long were you actually in my head?"

"Close to forty-five minutes."   

Fjord sighs with relief. He's glad that he can still remember everything too, upon waking, at the very least everything involving Caleb. Caleb's arrival on Vandren's ship, the way he changed the entire dream. As long as Fjord can remember everything after it happens, he thinks he can maybe salvage what could quickly become a disaster should Caleb see anything Fjord doesn't want him to see.

He just wishes he could be coherent during the dream as well as after of it.

"We gonna do that often now?"

Caleb does look up then. "Until we are sure that Uk'otoa cannot kill you in your sleep, _ja_."   

"Alright." And Fjord braces for what's to come.

***

It became something of a nightly routine--like how Molly used to clean each of his swords, and then pray over them (when he was still pretending that he did that), or how Caduceus, before bed, makes a whole pot of tea. Now, Caleb throws sand in Fjord's face, and Fjord is mostly certain that he gets a kick out of the routine of it all too. Nott certainly does, smirking at him from Caleb's bed. She had quickly become restless not rooming alongside Caleb, and slipped into the room one night with a glare for Fjord and a terse. "I'm sleeping here." Fjord had shrugged. He wasn't going to split up Caleb and Nott over something like this, despite how embarrassing it was.

Fjord's dreams stayed mostly tame. Uk'otoa stayed away, as if it knew that the Nein were trying to get an eye on him and a leg over (despite how weird that imagery was). Caleb didn't directly interfere with any more dreams, unlike the first one. When Fjord awoke he would have a vague memory of Caleb moving in the dream, looking around, but he never approached Fjord again.

So Fjord relaxed. And maybe that was his mistake.

***  

Fjord has his hands submerged in soapy water, scratching away the debris and food crust at the edges of plates. The sun is just beginning to rise over the ocean, dappling the windowpane, and, with the window open, there is a soft breeze ruffling the short hairs on the back of Fjord's neck. He's humming a song, the tune familiar but he's not sure from where, and he moves to grab a towelette from the countertop when he hears the sleepy pad of feet behind him. Caleb's up.

"Mornin'" Fjord says, turning to get a look at his companion. Caleb is wearing one of Fjord's shirts, the size too big--despite how thin Fjord is, he still has a breadth of shoulder width far beyond Caleb's skinny frame thanks to his more orc-ish half of the gene pool--and he stretches a little, standing on his tiptoes and cracking the crinks in his neck.

Caleb looks up and waves, coming closer. "Hallo." He says, a little awkwardly, still sleepy, and Fjord feels a swoop of fondness settle in his gut. When Caleb reaches him, he stands beside Fjord and tilts his chin up. Fjord cranes his neck down and presses a soft, lingering kiss to Caleb's mouth. He tastes like smoke and wood, smells Fjord associates with Caleb's magic. When they pull away, Caleb licks his lips, once and looks down at where Fjord has started drying one of their plates. "Need any help?"

Fjord huffs a laugh and shrugs, "I won't say no. I'll wash, you dry?"

They settle beside each other, Caleb wiping with the towels and Fjord rinsing and getting his hands and forearms soapy. They are mostly silent as they work, but it's comfortable, speaking of years of familiarity.  

Fjord looks at Caleb out of the corner of his eye, looks at the way Fjord's shirt sits on Caleb's frame, sliding off one shoulder and pushing just shy of his thighs, how his hair is tangled from sleep, and the way his eyes are just a little dark underneath from staying up late reading. Fjord waits until Caleb has finished drying the last plate, his hands still submerged in the dish water, and when Caleb opens a palm out for another, Fjord takes his hand with his, still slick and wet and pushes Caleb softly against the counter.

Morning sex with Caleb is his favorite kind of sex. Caleb is open, still not quite coherent enough for his layers and walls to come back up. The foreplay takes longer too, and Fjord loves watching Caleb's breath hitch and climb as he slowly works him up. The build of arousal is enticing, and Fjord longs for that moment when he has Caleb finally on the edge after minutes, sometimes it takes longer, an hour once, of pressing and teasing and kissing up the slope of his neck. of pushing Caleb's knees apart while he sits on the edge of the countertop, his hands in Fjord's hair as Fjord takes him in his mouth.

Today, Fjord lingers on pushing Caleb's shirt aside, pressing his hands to Caleb's belly and pressing kisses to his pale skin. Caleb lets him, sighs into it, curling a hand on Fjord's nape. Fjord spends some time there, kissing and trailing his fingers down Caleb's legs, over his pants. "Fjord." Caleb huffs, after a while of this. "Perhaps you could move on to taking my pants off?"

Fjord hums and moves down to kiss at the waistband of Caleb's pants. He pulls away. "I dunno. I like doing this, Caleb."

Caleb huffs again and moves his hands into Fjord's hair, tickling the skin behind his ear. And then, suddenly, he pulls, tight, on the ends, not enough to pull the hair out but to bring Fjord's mouth pressing hard against his sternum. Fjord, surprised, moans into Caleb's skin, knowing his skin is darkening green around his ears. When Caleb does things like that, goes from soft to suddenly rough, without warning, it always sends a thrill up Fjord's spine.

Fjord pulls away, Caleb's hand on his hair allows him to, and he looks up, sure his face is aflame. The corner of Caleb's mouth is curved, his expression slightly smug, eyes a little narrowed. "You were saying?"

"Yeah," Fjord says, hands immediately going for Caleb's waistband. It's quicker then, sloppier too with Fjord's arousal and Caleb's spiking hot in the air, like a buzz in Fjord's ears. Fjord takes Caleb down, deep and Caleb, not expecting it, stiffens and twitches under Fjord's hands. It doesn't take long. Caleb's hand clutches Fjord's shoulder when he's close and Fjord hums his acknowledgement.

He pulls back, a few moments later, Caleb panting, and Fjord swallows and stands up. Caleb reaches up, tucking his hands around Fjord's neck and pulls him down for a kiss. They stay that way for a moment, easing into each other, Caleb coming down from his release and Fjord holding him through it. When they pull back from each other, Caleb is smiling, eyes closed, looking just as soft as he had when he had first walked out of their bedroom.

Fjord smiles back at him. "Good?"

Caleb opens his eyes, laughing softly. " _Ja_ , of course, _Schatz_."    

Then Caleb blinks and his expression changes, his mouth curves down and flattens into a line and Fjord frowns back at him, concern coloring his tone. "Are you okay?" 

He is looking around the room, taking in their kitchen, the walls, the quaint structure as though he hadn't been living here for the last few years. Fjord becomes nervous and leans against the counter beside him, making it creak a little. 

Caleb startles, looking up at Fjord, his mouth parted just a little, and he blinks rapidly before nodding to Fjord's unanswered question, remaining mute. Fjord reaches out a hand and touches Caleb's cheek, swiping under his eye where his bruises were from lack of sleep. "You look pale." 

"I'm fine." He says, pulling away, but his eyes are too wide and he is staring at Fjord in a strange way--almost as though he has never seen him before. 

Fjord sighs and sits back, looking out at the view beyond their window, to the coastline and sand of the beach where the waves were cresting, foamy and white. "I'm sorry if I jumped you a little too eagerly. I know you're usually half asleep when you do and don't like waking up early if you don't have to." Fjord sighs again, taking in the scenery outside. "It is a beautiful morning though." 

Caleb curls in on himself, tugging at the shirt in a futile effort to get it to cover his knees. He shifts, slides off the countertop and then staggers for a second. He looks down, and then instantly flushes red. "I--"

"Are you sure you're okay, Caleb?" Fjord asks him, tilting his head curiously at the way Caleb is holding the ends of the shirt down.

" _Ja_ , I--" He motions with one hand to the bedroom door. "I am just going to go change." And then he turns and flees.

By the time Caleb returns, Fjord has moved outside to work. He's on the deck of the small skimmer they own, adjusting the sails and making sure all his equipment is intact. Caleb approaches like a skittish animal, wearing a pair of soft plants and a shirt that is more his size. His hair is wet; he must have taken a shower.

"Feeling better?" Fjord asks, glancing over at him with a sly smile.

"Much." Caleb says, a little dryly, as he climbs on board the boat as well. He looks about at the sea and the sand. "This is your dream house, then?"

"Hmm?" Fjord lets the sail unfurl and ties it down. "I suppose so, yeah."

"It is... very quaint." Caleb says, after a moment. "I remember that we once had a conversation on a beach much like this. You said you would like to one day retire to a quiet life by the sea."

Fjord slanted Caleb a peculiar look. Caleb was talking very strange, considering they'd had this conversation several years ago when Fjord had bought the place. "Yeah, I did." Fjord humored him. He watched the way Caleb eyed the boat curiously, touching the sides of it with his hands and peeking below deck like he had never been there before. "You sure your head is on straight? You not too tuckered out from what we did this morning?" Fjord smirked at Caleb and Caleb looked up owlishly at Fjord, his eyes comically wide, and a flush beginning to creep up his neck. He eventually looked away and muttered, "I am fine." Decisively, and a little harsh, before he made his way off the boat and back towards the house. Fjord watched him close the door behind him.

Caleb generally wasn't one to blush about their antics. That was usually Fjord's reaction. Fjord usually caved first when they teased each other, or flirted. He had been mightily surprised when he'd discovered that Caleb could flirt, and flirt rather well, and that he was comfortable doing it. More comfortable than Fjord, even though Fjord had been the one do to it the most back when the Nein were still traveling together. It probably had to do with how much more experienced Caleb was in the bedroom. Fjord had only been with two people before Caleb: Sabien and Avantika, and neither of those relationships had been very healthy, even Fjord could admit that.   

But Caleb's reticence was not too new. Caleb had some mood swings, though he had gotten more relaxed over time. He had been more standoffish in their early relationship days... before all their secrets had gotten out. He still preferred his privacy, and sometimes that meant leaving Caleb alone, and Fjord knew when to pursue and when to back off. It looked like today might be a back-off day.

Fjord left Caleb to his day and went out to sail, fishing for a few hours and catching some prey for the market bazaar in the neighboring town. He returned at dusk, when the sky was just beginning to darken, and entered their home smelling faintly of fish, brine and sweat. He found Caleb sitting on their couch, a book in his hand and a stack of them lining up the table at his elbow. Frumpkin was curled up on the back of the couch, just behind Caleb's neck, lounging and content with his eyes closed. Caleb reached a hand up, without looking back, and scratched him behind the ears.

"How was your day?" Fjord asked as he moved to the kitchen to wash his hands.

"Mm." Caleb didn't take his eyes off the book, turning a page with his free hand. Fjord watched him for a moment, fondly, and then approached, gently tucking some of Caleb's hair behind his ear. Caleb hummed a little but didn't otherwise react.

"I'm going to take a shower." Fjord said, leaning close and pressing a kiss to Caleb's shoulder. He froze underneath Fjord's mouth and Fjord blinked at him in confusion but Caleb didn't say anything or look at him, so Fjord moved away and headed towards their bathroom.

When he returned, wearing a fresh pair of pajama pants and an old shirt, toweling his hair dry, Caleb was sitting up on the couch, the book closed in his lap. Frumpkin was gone from the couch, and Caleb's eyes were fixed on the door when Fjord entered. Fjord put the towel around his neck and smiled at Caleb. "Feelin' better?" He drawled, sliding back into Vandren's accent. He didn't use it as often now, since everything had been left out in the open, but sometimes the familiarity of it helped to calm him. There was also the added bonus of making Caleb all hot'n'bothered, but it didn't have that affect on him here. Instead, he grimaced.

Fjord moved closer to him, taking the seat next to him on the couch. Caleb shifted slightly to the side to accommodate him. Fjord reached up and cupped Caleb's face. Caleb looked uncomfortable when he did it, but didn't move away or say anything, but that made Fjord even more worried. "You've been acting real strange, Caleb." He said, searching Caleb's face for an answer.

Caleb hesitated a moment, before he tilted his head into Fjord's hand. "Sorry, I am just tired." He paused and then closed his eyes. He breathed through his nose once and then pulled away, opening his eyes to look at Fjord. "Perhaps I should go to bed."

"Alright." Fjord said, letting his hand fall. "Let me know if you need anything. I'll stay up for a little while longer."

"Alright." Caleb echoed, standing and slipping off the couch, heading towards their bedroom. He closed the door quietly behind him, pausing a little with a crack in the door to look back at Fjord, his blue eyes shining in the half light, before he closed it firmly. Fjord sighed and rested his head back against the couch. He hoped Caleb would be feeling better tomorrow morning.

 

Waking up from the dream, Fjord stretched and yawned, feeling more rested than he had in a long while. Perhaps it was the stress of knowing that Caleb could walk into one of his more intimate fantasies and see something private, and with the threat of Uk'otoa staved off for now with his patron's mysterious disappearance, Fjord had been waiting for the other shoe to drop. But, somehow, this dream had left him quite content.

Nott was still asleep in the bed; just a tangle of her hair was visible from beneath the covers. Fjord quietly tiptoed out of the room, shutting the door behind him and turned to go down the hallway to head downstairs to the tavern below for some breakfast. He reached the top of the stairs just as a figure came around the corner of the hallway and they and Fjord came face to face. Caleb blinked at Fjord, looking surprised.

"Oh, sorry, didn't see ya there." Fjord began, smiling at Caleb. Caleb looked away.

"I was not expecting you to be up so early." Caleb said, shuffling out of the way so that Fjord could move around him.

"Yeah, I had a good dream, I think." Fjord laughed. "Did ya hang out in this one, or take a little break this time? I don't remember seein' you at all."

"Just this night." He looked down, playing with his fingers. "The magic can be a bit much, sometimes. I will be back in your dreams again tonight, I assure you."

"You could maybe take more than one day's break, Caleb." Fjord said, worried. If the magic was taking a toll during their sleep, he didn't want Caleb losing out on sleep for him like that. Now that he was looking at Caleb more closely, he could see how dark the circles under his eyes were. "Uk'otoa has been pretty silent lately, I think we're in the clear a bit, at least."

Caleb looked up then, "I would rather be safe, and not have to wake up to your dead corpse in the bed beside me." He said dryly.

Fjord chuckled despite himself. "I bet Nott wouldn't bat an eye."

Caleb's mouth ticked up. " _Ja_ , she would. She cares the most out of all of us."

Fjord reached up and laid his hand on Caleb's shoulder, reassuringly squeezing it. "Rest up when you need to, okay? I don't want you going down over me." He released Caleb and started to head down the stairs to get breakfast.

What he didn't see was Caleb touching the spot where Fjord left his hand, pressing into it hard, as though trying to find the imprint of a kiss that had been left behind.    

***

Some nights later, Caleb finally takes Fjord's advice. Or more accurately, Nott forces him to.

"Caleb you're sick. You need to get a decent night's sleep, okay?" Nott insists, tugging on Caleb's coat to get him to lie down. Caleb does look ill; his cheeks are sallow and his eyes watery and the circles under his eyes are the most prominent Fjord has ever seen them. 

"I am fine." Caleb insists but Nott scowls at him and Caleb sighs, " _Bitte_ ," he tries. 

"No, you are going to sleep. You can't keep getting Caduceus or Jester to cast restoration spells at you!" Fjord jolts, he hadn't realized that Caleb had been having their clerics do that for him. Was this dream spell taking more of a toll on him than Fjord thought? 

Caleb lets Nott push him into the bed and roll the covers up to his chin, despite the way he is protesting. 

"Nott's right, Caleb. One night won't do any harm." Fjord says, and Nott glances at him in approval even though Caleb shakes his head.   

"I'll stay awake so you can sleep, if I have to." Fjord then adds, and both Nott and Caleb whirl on him. 

"No." " _Nein_." They both say.  

"I'll stay up." Nott insists, and Fjord goes to shake his head to protest _this_ , but Nott points her finger at him, all 3-foot, green goblin fury and instinct glaring up at him. "No buts." She says and Fjord closes his mouth, afraid that Nott's sticky fingers might reach for a crossbow bolt and bolt him down to the bed with well-aimed shots.  

"Alright." Fjord finally gives in, and Caleb looks like he wants to argue further, his mouth is pinched tight, but Nott brushes his bangs back from his forehead. "It's only one night, Caleb." And Caleb sighs and gives in. 

It takes a while for Fjord to get to sleep, but eventually the soft, deep sighs of Caleb's breathing intermingled with Nott's quiet, discordant humming, allow Fjord to slip into slumber. 

Uk'otoa is waiting for him when he does. 

When Fjord opens his eyes, he is on a raft in the middle of the ocean. The water stretches wide, the sun just beginning to set over the horizon. The air smells of brine, seawater, and fish, and when Fjord looks out he can't see a single lick of land. Anticipation curdles up his spine. He had a feeling his patron might visit him--Uk'otoa could only be so patient for so long. 

A dark mass moves, slow, under the water, in the distance, approaching. It is long and serpent-like, dark and large as it rushes underneath Fjord's raft and curls around in a circle around him. Fjord feels fear, watching that huge serpent circle and circle, endless and dark, unknowable, around him, waiting. 

A yellow eyeball blinks open and shines from beneath the waves. Then two. Then several, all along the curling mass, too many for Fjord to count. 

 _Watching_. It says.  _Disappointment_. 

The raft breaks apart underneath him and Fjord plummets into the water; but instead of stopping at the surface he is dragged down, pulled by a weight that forces him beneath the water; waves cresting his head, bubbles flying from his lips. He can't breathe, and his eyes sting and the dark shape is completely surrounding him, dozens, thousands of yellow eyes staring at him as he falls deeper and deeper into the depths of the sea. 

Fjord has never been afraid of the water. Not like Nott. Not even after drowning that first time. But right now... he fears it. He fears what lives in it. 

 _Consequence._ Uk'otoa says, as Fjord drops further and further. He can't see the surface any longer and the light is getting father and father away. He tries to fight back to the surface, scrabbling with his hands, but they do nothing. He just falls.

And falls.

And falls. 

 _Punishment._ Uk'otoa says. 

Fjord's eyes flutter, his lungs pumping overtime. He's getting light-headed. 

The unending body of Uk'otoa swirls around him, endless, as Fjord plummets and drowns and falls...

There is a flash of light. Fjord instinctively closes his eyes against the glare, but he can hear the shift of Uk'otoa in the water, and he can hear his patron's roar of rage. For a moment, Fjord thinks that he can feel the tendrils of Uk'otoa's serpent body twisting around him to end this, once and for all, but instead, Fjord feels a hand grasp his face and a voice say, scratchy and familiar: " _Wake up_! _You can reply to this message!_ _By waking up!_ " 

Fjord jolts awake. Nott has her hands around his face, her eyes very wide, and Caleb is standing beside her, hunched over, one of his hands on Nott's shoulder, and panting. His hand is glowing where it is touching Nott's shoulder and his other hand is just on the bend of Fjord's knee under the covers. "Breathe." He glances up at Fjord and says. 

Fjord breathes in once, then out, eyes locked on Caleb. " _Gut_." Caleb says, closing his eyes.  

"Fuck." Nott says, panting herself, and Caleb's hand stops glowing. Fjord tries to sit up but can't quite manage it. He feels something wet and scratchy on his lips, and when he moves his hand to touch his face he sees blood mixed with sand on his fingers. 

"You were bleeding from your nose and mouth." Nott says, quietly, sitting up and letting go of Fjord's face. Caleb coughs, and Nott turns to help steady him as he sits down on the corner of the bed. He looks even paler than when he'd gone to bed, his eyes are bloodshot and he is sweating a little, his hair matted to his forehead. Fjord doesn't feel much better. 

"What?" Fjord begins, coughing too. 

"I think your patron tried to kill you again." Nott says. "I saw... a big, dark shape in the water with you and it--" Nott shudders. "I fucking hate the water." 

Fjord looks at Nott, who is curled in on herself, her arms around her body, and Caleb leaning against her shoulder, looking spent and exhausted. Fjord reaches for him, touching his shoulder, "Caleb? Did you? Are you?"

" _Ja_ , I cast the spell but I sent Nott in instead." Caleb replies, eventually, still looking like he is one second away from passing out. "It was faster; you were not breathing." 

"I..."

"Jeez, Fjord. Your patron's a real bastard." Nott says, gritting her teeth. "I see where you get it from." 

Fjord tries to laugh but he doesn't quite feel it in him. 

"I'm sorry." He says instead. 

The other two don't say anything, the only sound is Caleb's harsh panting.

"Maybe we should have had you stay up instead." Nott says, after a while. 

"Caleb," Fjord turns to Caleb. "Are you okay? You need to get some rest. I'll stay up the rest of the night." 

Caleb shakes his head, coughs again and then lays down on the bed, his head falling onto where Fjord's knees are and he reaches out a hand for Nott. Nott takes it and holds on. He blinks his watery, bloodshot eyes at the two of them, watching him with concern. "I think that... your patron does not want me to have a decent night's rest." 

Nott and Fjord exchange a look, their worry for Caleb uniting them. "You really need your rest, Caleb. This can't last." 

" _Ja,_ I am beginning to understand that." He says, he closes his eyes and his breathing slows and he dozes off. 

Fjord leans over and gently grazes his finger over Caleb's pale, stubby cheek. He feels suddenly tender, and afraid. Nott reaches out for Caleb too and gently tries to move him. "Help me." She orders and Fjord gets out of the bed, making sure not to disturb Caleb, and they maneuver him under the covers, his head on the pillow. 

Nott sits beside Caleb's head, her hand touching his cheek and resting there, her eyes lowered and soft and worried. Fjord stands by the bed, looking down at the pair of them. Nott looks up at him. "What you said was right, Fjord. This can't last." She says. She runs her clawed hand across Caleb's cheek, watching him breathe in and out shallowly. "You can't be a distraction." 

"A distraction? A distraction from what?" 

Nott just shakes her head. Fjord opens and then closes his mouth and sighs. "Okay. But what would you have me do?" 

"I don't know." Nott says, looking down at Caleb. "But he can't keep doing this for you."

"...I know." 

Nott looks up then, staring at Fjord, her expression hard. "So fix it."  

"How?" 

Nott scrunches up her nose. "Find a way to get your patron to think you'll listen to it? Bide time? You're good at that stuff."

Fjord thinks of being in a small room covered in treasure, a blue scaled creature glaring at him from the pile. "It didn't really work that well against a dragon." 

"Well this is your patron, right, and with Avantika," Nott makes a motion with her thumb against her throat, making a high _kssshhhing_ noise that makes Caleb mumble in his sleep and both she and Fjord freeze a moment until Caleb turns over and continues to sleep.  They sigh in relief. "Anyway," Nott continues, "you're the only one left, as far as we know, so your patron still needs you for now." 

"Make him think I'm gonna get to the temple for 'im?" 

Nott shrugs. "Or you could just tell him to fuck off and see what happens, you know, that might work too." 

*** 

Jester had her hands around a flower crown as she weaved the flowers between themselves, hooking them together. She was already wearing one that Nott had made her: it was a little haphazard and some of the flowers were falling off, but it suited her, framing her face in a medley of purple and pink petals. She was working on one for Fjord now, intermingling oranges and yellows together. 

"Why those colors?" Fjord had asked her, and she'd grinned and said, "because you like those colors!" 

Fjord was sitting next to her, watching as she worked, and glancing up every now and again at the rest of their friends. They had found a nice valley with a field stretching wide in flowers to stop and rest at. Yasha had been very eager to get to work collecting as many different kinds of flowers from the field as she could. Nott had been helping her, until she'd been distracted by Jester making flower crowns and the two of them had started a campaign to make one for each member of the Nein. Caduceus was already wearing a wreath of flowers over his head of pink and green, and Beau had a flower crown looped around her ears of red and purple. Nott was working on Caleb's at the moment, her tongue sticking as she worked, and Caleb was standing in the middle of the field with his head tilted up, letting the breeze whip at his hair. 

"All ready!" Jester exclaimed, taking Fjord's attention away from Caleb and back to her. She grinned and beckoned for him to lean down. He did, waiting as she slipped the flower crown on his head. She clapped when he straightened back up. "You look so handsome, Fjord!" She laughed and Fjord chuckled too. It was so nice to have just a peaceful evening, no fighting or danger lurking around every corner. Just the Nein, some flowers and laughter. 

"Hey." Jester pokes him in the thigh. "I know Caleb said everything is okay and all, but have you had anymore semen dreams?" She says it with a lilt, enunciating the 'semen' part deliberately to make Fjord frown at her, but when Fjord looks at her face, her smile is wide but the corner of her eyes are creased with worry. After Fjord's throat had healed, they had tried to see if healing spells would work on him again. They had; it seemed Uk'otoa had only been trying to scare Fjord, give him a warning of what was to come should he continue to refuse. Ever since, Jester has been anxious to make sure they have a well-stocked supply of healing potions, and checking up often with Caleb and Fjord on how his dreams have been going. 

It seemed that neither Caleb nor Nott had said anything about the most recent of Fjord's dreams; but that had been innocent compared to the last, at least in Fjord's eyes, and really, by the end of that night, Fjord had been more concerned for Caleb's health than his own. Besides, he had a half-cocked plan now to deal with Uk'otoa... for at least a little while.

Fjord pats Jester's hand on his thigh. "Nothing yet. I think ol' Uk'otoa is keepin' his distance," he lies. It's not a complete lie, anyway, more that Uk'otoa is biding its time. That, and Caleb was still casting his spell whenever Fjord went to sleep. They had decided, for the time being, to take shifts: Fjord would stay awake some nights to allow Caleb a good night's sleep, while Caleb watched over Fjord's dreams on the other nights.

Fjord hopes that his attempt at a joke about his patron's all-seeing-eye will ease some of the tension in Jester. It works. Jester relaxes minutely, leaning up against Fjord's side with a sigh. 

"You know, I asked The Traveler about it since he is super duper smart about everything!" She says, looking down at where their hands are touching. "But he didn't really know much about your God, you know? Not anymore than we do." Her fingers slowly entangle with his and Fjord watches her instead of their hands. He doesn't move away even though he knows he should, because Jester's face is beginning to crumple at the edges a little, though she is trying to fight the smile back onto her face. "And I'm afraid that maybe one day we won't be able to--that we won't know how to--" her smile falters and Fjord squeezes their hands together. 

"Jester," Fjord turns to her and gently nudges their foreheads together. He thinks of Caleb, standing over him in their bedroom, Nott a tiny figure just outside of Fjord's eye-line, sitting by his head, her hands cupping his cheek as Caleb says slowly, " _breathe."_  

Jester does, in once, then out, then again, and again, until she has calmed and Fjord can pull away to see her brow has relaxed. "Better?"

Jester nods. She opens her eyes and her smile comes easily. "I'm not very strong right now, am I?"  

"You're the strongest person I know, Jester." Fjord says, smiling with her. 

She looks down at their still entwined hands and raises them between them. She looks at them a moment. "You know, Fjord, that I had the real biggest crush on you, right?" 

"Uh," Fjord blinks and flushes a little. "I mean, I knew sort of?" It'd been something that had been between them for a while, back in the early days of the Nein. It had only been recently that Fjord had felt that he and Jester were finally getting back to their old days of friendship: when it was just the two of them, and then Beau later, traveling together. Back to when Fjord felt comfortable going to Jester to talk without worrying about leading her on, or feeling uncomfortable whenever Jester would flirt with him, not knowing if she was being serious or playing around. He missed their old friendship, and had been relieved when the undertone of tension between them had slowly, finally, disappeared. 

"I really, really liked you, but I knew you didn't like me like that." She says, sounding wistful. "I think a lot of my feelings for you were because you were my first friend--excepting The Traveler of course, who is the bestest best friend ever--but a lot of it was because I thought you were really cool, and suave, and you know, like Oskar from _Tusk Love_." She giggles. "And you are still really cool and suave, Fjord, of course you are! But I don't think those feelings of mine were real."

"Of course they were real, Jester." Fjord interrupts. 

Jester shakes her head. "No, no, listen, Fjord, I think that I wanted you to be my Oskar, and I forgot that you were _you._ " She plays with their fingers again, entwining and untangling their hands over and over again. Fjord just watches her do this, waiting for her to finish. "I put expectations on you that were not right, and when you didn't meet them, didn't want to, I got jealous. Like with Avantika and with..." she glances off to the side and Fjord follows her gaze. Caleb is there, sitting next to Nott as Nott puts her finished flower crown in his hair. The crown is made out of faint green leaves, brambles and pink flowers. Caleb's smile is all for Nott as he accepts it.

Fjord freezes when he realizes what Jester is implying and he feels his cheeks burning. "Jester I--"

"It's okay, Fjord. You are not very subtle about it, though I don't think Caleb knows, yet." She says, pressing a finger to her lips conspiratorially. "I will keep your secret." 

"I never meant to hurt you, Jester. Never." Fjord rushes out. Jester just smiles at him. 

"I know, silly." She finally lets their hands fall and stands up, brushing off her skirts. "I'm not upset with you, just at myself. For not noticing sooner, really." She winks. "Because you look at him with puppy eyes and it's so cuteeee~" She giggles and Fjord gives her a wry smile, despite himself.

She sticks out her hand to help him up and Fjord takes it, allowing her to pull him to his feet. Once they are standing opposite each other, Jester's smile widens and she points with her thumb over her shoulder to the others. "I'm gonna go help Yasha look for more flowers!" 

"Alright, and Jester," He touches her elbow, stopping her from turning around and leaving, "Thank you."

"For what?" 

"For being you." He tucks a lock of her hair behind her ear. Her cheeks darken. "I do love you, you know." 

A flash of vulnerability passes across her face, just for a moment. "Just not like that." 

Fjord looks down. "No, not like that." 

There is silence, before Jester giggles and when Fjord looks up she is smiling, genuine, her teeth gleaming. "Oookay, I'm gonna go to Yasha now, and Fjord," she points a finger at him, smiling but stern, "I love you too, just not like that." And turns and skips off.

Fjord watches her and he thinks, again, about how strong Jester really is.  

*** 

Fjord is walking along the beach, barefoot, holding a picnic basket in his hand and looking at the way the waves crest against the sand in bubbles of white. He can hear the laughter of Jester behind him, giggling at something said. If he looks over his shoulder he can see her, wearing a sundress and a large hat, laughing as Nott, hand-in-hand with her husband, tells a bad joke, her dark skin dusky and brown hair pulled back in its usual braid. Her son, Luc, is following a few paces behind, chattering with Caduceus, who is sloping along in a large hat of his own, his pants rolled up to his ankles. Beau is wading through the water, wearing overalls, hands in her pockets, as Yasha walks behind her, smiling and holding an umbrella slung across her back. Caleb is next to Fjord, his hand enclosed in Fjord's, Frumpkin prodding along by his side and a book tucked beneath his arm in his free hand. 

"Here seems good." Caleb says, indicating a spot where they can set up the picnic. 

They set everything up, Yasha stakes the umbrella into the sand and Fjord helps lay out the blanket while Jester and Caduceus spread the picnic out for everyone. Luc, round cheeked, digs in immediately, and Nott takes out a napkin and wipes crust off his cheek. 

Jester and Beau, when they are done eating, run off towards the water to splash each other and rough house. Caduceus lies in the sand and sunbathes. Yasha walks along the beach, Frumpkin lazily following her, scratching patterns into the sand with his claws, and Caleb tucks up against Fjord's side on the blanket under the shade and cracks open his book. 

It is quiet and peaceful, and Fjord is surrounded by everyone he loves, and he closes his eyes and dozes against Caleb's shoulder. 

After a moment, Caleb nudges him into the cheek with his shoulder blade, a little bony and not too gentle. Fjord opens his eyes to find Caleb staring back at him. 

His mouth ticks up. "Do not fall asleep and drool on me now." 

Fjord wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. "I don't drool." 

Caleb huffs a laugh. "You do, you just do not know it."

Caleb cracks open his novel and Fjord leans closer, looking over his shoulder to see what he is reading. He gets about two sentences in when he realizes its a smut novel and he quickly averts his eyes and groans. "Really?" He mutters and Caleb chuckles. " _Ja_ , Jester recommended it." He raises the cover so Fjord can get a look at the title: _Roses, Merriment and Matrimony._ The cover has a picture of a human male and a female elf, both of them wearing much too little clothes, holding each other under an awning of red roses.

"'Course she did." Fjord snorts. He watches as Beau tackles Jester into the sea, the both of them laughing, and smiles after them. 

Fjord just watches them, watches when Yasha joins them and they start a sort of weird water splashing battle. Watches as Nott drags her son and Yeza to join them. 

After a moment, he hears Caleb say, "They are all so... happy." When Fjord looks over at him, he has put the book down and closed it against his thigh. His gaze is trained on their friends as well. His eyes are crystalline blue and sparkling and his expression is more tight than it was before, his eyes slightly crinkled. He looks in awe, and a bit like he doesn't believe it is real. 

"Well yeah," Fjord says, leaning forward so he can get a better look at Caleb's face. "Why wouldn't they be?" 

Caleb glances at him but then turns his eyes back on their friends, his gaze lingering on Nott and her family. Nott pushes Yeza, giggling as the two of them laugh, and then Yeza takes her hand, dips her, and they curl around each other, hugging as two lovers do. Luc pushes between them, breaking them up, and they hold both their arms out to him, hoisting him up between them like a swing. Caleb's expression softens, with something like longing in his eyes, and its been a long time since Fjord has seen that expression on his face. Not since Nott was changed back. Not since Fjord had told him he wanted to marry him.  

Caleb smiles down at his hands, blinks at the book on his thigh and takes it up, observing the cover before he snorts and opens to the first page. Fjord raises an eyebrow at him but doesn't say anything, even though he was pretty sure Caleb had been nearly half-way through the book when he'd looked at the page before.  

***

"No, wait." Fjord shouts, before Vera can turn her eyes on Caleb and the book hidden beneath his cloak. "Parley." Fjord rushes out. "Allow us to parley." 

"Well, well," Avantika says, smiling coyly at Fjord. "Why _don't_ we parley?" They are standing on the deck of the Squall-Eater, the Mighty Nein versus Avantika's crew, almost a mirror image of their final confrontation. This time, however, Caleb doesn't throw up a wall of fire between them, no, Avantika fixes her eyes on Fjord and curls her hand, beckoning him to her. 

Fjord goes, ignoring the shouts of dismay from his friends, until he is standing in front of Avantika. She tilts her head up to meet his eyes. She is not a small woman, even though she is a few inches shorter than Fjord, but her aura has always been intimidating, and she knows it.

She reaches up a hand to caress the side of Fjord's face. "I do like you, Fjord. We had something special going on between us, don't you think?" She trails her hand down to his mouth, his bottom lip. Her thumb tilts in, the nail digging into the soft flesh, like a warning. "But you have betrayed me, and that will cost you more in this trade, you understand?" 

"I do." Fjord says, against her fingers and she smiles, proud, as an owner would for a pet that does a trick correctly.

Her hand trails down his face, cupping his chin. "You want the freedom and safety of your crew." 

"Yes." He says, almost a whisper, suppliant. 

"And what I want..." Her hand trails down.

Avantika clutches Fjord's throat, just as it had been with The Plank King's hold of her in her last moments on Darktow. Fjord glances to the side, at the Nein standing behind him, their worry and fear plain on their faces, and he leans into it, tilting his throat open to the feel of her palm, letting her hand squeeze tighter. Allowing it. Like a deer submitting to the wolf's teeth around its throat.

Avantika's smile widens. The slant of her mouth is just as wicked, as charming as Fjord remembers. He remembers kissing that mouth. He remembers that mouth biting into his jugular.

Then, the scenery changes. Avantika slips away, like someone washed away the paint, swiping her image off the page. The room opens into a tidy bedroom with light brown sheets, and walls stacked high with books, a window that yawns open to the vision of sand and the ocean glistening on the horizon. Fjord is sitting on the bed, half on, half off, his legs curled off the edge, and Caleb is standing in front of him, almost touching his knees. His face is all twisted up, as if something terrible has happened. 

"Caleb what--" Fjord begins, and then he sits up straighter, reaching out for him. "Is it Nott? Is she okay?" 

"Stop." Caleb orders and Fjord immediately lets his hand fall, his mouth closes. As Fjord takes in Caleb's expression, really looks, he sees now that Caleb is angry too, and looks wretched. "Was your relationship really... like that?" 

"I don't know what you mean." 

"You and Avantika." Caleb tries again. "When you were... for all intents and purposes, 'together',  was it like that. Did she... do those things to you? Hurt you?" 

Fjord doesn't answer for a moment, how can he? And Caleb takes his silence as a response. His expression becomes more grave and tortured, and he looks very much like he is going to throw up at any moment. Fjord jumps on that, hoping to skirt around the current topic. "Caleb, if you need a moment to sit down--"

Caleb waves him off. "I am fine. I command the dream and I can command myself not to spew chunks if it comes down to it." 

"Are you sure? Maybe you need to--?" 

"When we were making plans to sneak onto her boat to look through her things, you were reluctant to agree to the plan of distraction. You looked uncomfortable. But we needed her books and so I did not say anything at the time--it seemed unimportant when you agreed to it eventually." Caleb pauses, his mouth turning down into a grimace. "Did you really think of yourself as a sacrifice?" 

Fjord tries to backpedal. "Caleb, why are we discussing Avantika?" He chuckles lightly, hoping to set his companion at ease. "That was so long ago now."

"Not to you it is not." Caleb says sharply. He points at his own head, motioning to his brain. "It is all up here. I have seen it. Just now." 

"You got some of Duece's weird mind-reading powers now too?" 

"No." Caleb says, unamused. He wiggles his fingers. "I have magic, but that is beside the point. You agreed to the plan to distract Avantika because you believed that it was what needed to be done." 

Fjord watches Caleb a moment, at how tightly wound with indignation he is. He says slowly, "Caleb. You're the one who told me to do whatever it takes to keep you all safe." 

One of Caleb's hands reaches up and clutches at his hair, hard enough to make Fjord wince in sympathy. "I did, you are right, I did  _ja_. But I did not mean for you to give a part of yourself away." 

Fjord laughs then, at Caleb's choice of words. He hadn't given himself away. There was nothing of his to give to Avantika. "I'm not sure what you're implying, Caleb. But I had long lost my virginity by that point." He says, with humor in his voice and a slight curl to his mouth.

Caleb makes a frustrated noise. "You are not listening to me. You are not... expendable. " Caleb starts to pace in front of the bed, in front of Fjord, and Fjord waits, let's him talk himself up, because that's what he is doing. Talking himself into some sort of angry tirade: whether at Fjord or at himself, Fjord has no idea. But Fjord waits and watches and listens as Caleb goes on, "If I had known I would not have...  _we_ would not have let her near you. Let her  _touch_ you. Not like that, not to make you feel so..."

When Caleb stops and doesn't continue, instead, looking at his feet and at the wooden floor. "Feel like what, Caleb?" Fjord prompts, a wake of nothing rising up within him. Emotionless, is how he feels right now. Like the air has sucked the feeling right out of him. 

Caleb looks up. He looks frightened. "Like you are nothing." 

Fjord breathes in, and the feeling returns to him with the harsh inhale. Caleb warily watches Fjord digest. Fjord sits up a little, and motions for Caleb to come closer. Caleb looks at him, and then cautiously takes a step so that Fjord is eye level with Caleb's chest. "Can I see your hand, Caleb?" 

Caleb stares at him for a long moment, and then complies, allowing Fjord to take his hand. He flinches in Fjord's hold when Fjord brings his hand up to the circle of his throat, pressing Caleb's fingers into the skin of his neck. "Fjord." Caleb begins, looking supremely uncomfortable. 

"Hang on a sec." Fjord says. "Keep them there." He lets go of Caleb's hands and Caleb does what he says, but doesn't look happy about it. In their shared room now, Fjord can see their silhouette tracing the wall, of Caleb gently holding Fjord by the throat. 

"You think that I felt like I was nothing when I did this with her." Fjord begins, and Caleb nods. His frown lines look etched in, much deeper than Fjord remembers, and Fjord wants to reach a thumb up and press them away but he doesn't, because he needs Caleb to understand something about his relationship with Avantika. Because Caleb has it wrong. He hadn't wanted to distract Avantika the way he had, no, but he would do it again, and again, and again, a thousand times again, if it meant keeping the Nein safe. "When we were taken by the Iron Shepherds... I felt powerless." Fjord hesitates, the memories of that time are still just as fresh as their time on the Squall-Eater. "I never wanted to feel that way again. And so when Avantika took an interest in me I thought... _fuck_ ," Caleb's mouth curves a little and Fjord smiles back at him, "but here's something I can do. I didn't know that it would be like that at the time... I had an inkling, sure, but I don't regret it." He makes sure Caleb is listening to this part, makes sure that their eyes are locked. "I didn't feel powerless anymore, or like I was nothing. I felt like a wall."

Fjord looks down then, lets the words settle between them, before he adds, "I wish I were like you, Caleb. That I could cast a wall of fire like you did on her boat between her and us. But that's not something I can do. But what I did with Avantika. That--that was something I could do." 

Caleb's fingers twitch against his throat, but he doesn't move them away. "You would let someone do this to you? Let me?" His accent is very thick with the fervor in which he says the statement, asks the question. 

Fjord thinks of Avantika's quicksilver gaze and sharp teeth, and the way her desires had felt stifling. Her intoxication and want was like a cloying mass of bindings that kept Fjord strapped.

He thinks of Caleb's skill in magic and unerring memory, and his fucking brilliance. Of how much Fjord trusts him to do what's best for the party, for the Nein, for them. He thinks of a conversation on the Squall-Eater: 

_"Can I count on you to right the ship if need be?"_

_"...keep the group safe?"_

_"Of course."_

_"As always I will do my best."_

_This is different_ , Fjord thinks. _This is nothing like that_.

"...yes" Fjord sighs, and leans into Caleb's hand just as he had for Avantika earlier. 

Caleb stares at his hand holding Fjord by the throat, his eyes tracing where they are in contact with each other. He looks fascinated with the way his thumb is pressed against Fjord's Adam's apple. Fjord swallows the saliva that has begun to fill his mouth, feeling his throat thrum against Caleb's fingers and palm. Caleb abruptly pulls his hand back, his eyes wide and mouth parted, before he takes a quick step back and then clutches his robes tight against his chest. 

Fjord blinks back at him, concerned, but before he can say anything, Caleb turns and runs from the room.  

 

It is hours later when he wakes up. Caleb is nowhere to be seen, and Nott, tangled up in the sheets on their bed, blinks at him, her yellow eyes muzzy, as she yawns and murmurs, "is it morning already?" 

***

"Hey," Beau pulls Fjord aside. They are walking along a cobblestone path back in Zadash. They are heading towards the Gentlemen, to let him know about a job well-done. Caleb is uncharacteristically leading the way, with Nott a few paces behind, Jester and Caduceus in the middle and Yasha striding a little behind them. Fjord was pulling up the rear alone, until Beau lagged behind. 

They pause, letting their friends walk further ahead of them. As soon as they are out of earshot of the others, Beau pins Fjord with a look. "What's up with you and Caleb?" 

"What do you mean?" Fjord plays dumb. 

Beau scowls at him and then flicks him in the arm, hard. Fjord hisses and presses a hand against his arm where she hit him. "Shit, Beau!" 

"Don't lie to me, okay? I'm not some girl you can sweet-talk into avoiding uncomfortable questions." Her face twists in annoyance. "He avoids you during the day but always goes to your shared room together at night like nothing is going on, so that makes me think there _is_ something going on, so what the fuck is going on?"

Fjord rubs his arm, hoping it won't bruise. "That was a lot of the same words, Beau." 

"Yeah, I'm not eloquent, so what? I don't need to be with you. You know what I'm talking about." 

"I don't know." Fjord looks down at his feet as they walk, crossing his arms. "I think maybe he saw something in one of my dreams and it freaked him out or somethin'." Fjord remembers the dream perfectly, the gleam of Avantika's eyes, her and Caleb's hand around his throat, their talk. What he doesn't understand is Caleb's avoidance after the fact. 

"What like a sex dream or something?" 

Fjord scowls at her. "No. Jesus, Beau." 

Beau smirks. "That'd freak me the fuck out." 

"Caleb's not you, Beau." 

Beau raises an eyebrow, "you're right. He'd probably be real interested in you with your pants down. He seemed pretty into you and Avantika that one time when he was spying on you." 

"Huh?" Fjord blinks at her, confused. "What are ya talkin' about?" 

She waves her hand in the air, unconcerned. "Whatever. All I'm saying is you need to get your shit together cause this is starting to get ridiculous and if you aren't careful it could end up really screwing us over." She points a finger at him. "So go talk about it or whatever. Deal with it." With that, she speeds up, moving quickly to catch back up with Yasha, who had lagged a little too, noticing how far back she and Fjord were. 

Fjord sighs and mutters, "Easier said than done." and speed-walks to catch up to them.

He manages to grab Caleb's attention, and some time alone, when they split off to go shopping.

"I'm gonna go look for some new wraps." Beau states, "probably gonna head over to Pumat's," and Yasha nods her head at Beau, "I would like to look at the swords on sale." They turn and head off together.

"I would like to look for some books." Caleb says, to no one's surprise.

"Ooh, there are some romance novels that I want to look for!" Jester pipes up too, and Fjord quickly inserts, "I don't mind taking a gander for somethin' to read." He says and Caleb looks up at him, his mouth pinched tight.

Jester looks at him too, but then she glances from him to Caleb and then her expression turns devious. "Oh, you knowww I totally forgot. Caduceus and I are gonna look for some super special cleric stuff, actually!"

Caduceus turns around at the sound of his name. "What?"

Jester tugs on his arm. "Yes, remember, _cleric_ stuff. Like potions and diamonds and stuff." She winks at Fjord, and Fjord is more thankful of her than he is embarrassed by her lack of subtlety. She manages to lead Caduceus away, leaving behind Caleb, Fjord and Nott, who narrows her eyes at Fjord a moment before she turns to Caleb and shrugs,

"I might go look at some poison stuff. I want to start collecting again so I can make some cool arrows."

"I do not mind going with you Nott." Caleb says.

Nott shakes her head, glancing at Fjord again, "Nah, I'll be really fast, I'm just gonna keep walking over there and you know, not follow behind you guys or anything.... and then I'll join you at the bookshop, okay?" She turns without waiting for Caleb's reply, passing by Fjord and pinching his side, very hard, with her claws. Fjord winces and tries to keep the pain off his face as Nott whispers, harsh, "You've got a few minutes. You're welcome." And she lets him go and wanders off.

Fjord rubs the spot as inconspicuously as possible. What is it about the ladies of the party and hurting him lately?

Caleb is frowning when he looks at him. "Do you think that she will be--?" Caleb asks, following Nott's path with his eyes.  

Fjord follows his gaze, "Who? Nott? I mean, she's got the," Fjord's motions to the bottom half of his face, "the mask, and she can disguise herself if she needs to. 'sides she is gonna be like two minutes, tops, Caleb." Fjord bets she's just hiding somewhere watching them, and waiting for Fjord to make a move before she makes her timely reemergence.

"Alright." Caleb says, unconvinced, but does follow Fjord as they head off to one of the bookshops nearby. Luckily, they have become familiar enough with Zadash to know where most of the bookstores are, thanks to Caleb's mighty need, and Nott won't have any trouble finding them, so they slip into one and Caleb immediately wanders off down the aisle, eyes scanning for interesting book titles. Fjord watches as his eyes flash, lighting up with magical energy, turning the usual bright blue color to something more electric, as he scans for any magical books.

"See anythin' interesting?"

Caleb looks up at Fjord, "Unfortunately no." His eyes slide off Fjord's face and latch on to something behind him. Caleb's eyes narrow a second and then he looks up at Fjord and waves his hand, ending the spell. His eyes go back to their usual color. He turns towards the shelves and presses his fingers to the spines of the books, trailing across the edges as he peruses and decides. "You wanted to talk to me alone." Caleb says, addressing Fjord without looking up.

"Uh," Fjord rubs the back of his neck "was it that obvious?"

" _Ja_ , when Jester winked at you, I thought so, and Nott is not a good liar. Also, when I cast my spell, I could see Nott's magical items from where she is hiding just outside the door."

Fjord curses. "Yeah, they are not very..."

"Subtle?"

"Yeah." Fjord sighs. "Beau thinks there is somethin' going on with us and she wants me to fix it." He tries to read Caleb's face, but Caleb is still not looking at him, more engrossed in the books on the shelves. Maybe it wasn't a good idea to try and get Caleb alone while in a bookshop. Caleb tended to ignore anyone and anything when he had books on the brain. "Is there... something going on?"

"There is nothing going on. I just needed some time alone." Caleb says. "When I cast the magic and step into your dreams there are... lingering effects." He says, slowly, eyes still training on the bookshelf. His fingers have stopped moving, however. "I needed space."

"So this has nothin' to do with what we talked about, with Avantika?"

Caleb looks at him sharply then, and then looks away, his mouth pursed. "I did not think you remembered."

"I remember all of it." Fjord says. "If that's what's causing 'lingerin' effects,' you know I--"

"You did not remember the other dreams." Caleb interrupts.

Fjord feels slight apprehension. "What other dreams?"

Caleb shakes his head. " _Nein_ , nothing." He pauses, "the ones where I do not speak to you."

Fjord sighs, _oh thank god_ , "oh, yeah, sometimes I remember you movin' around, but not much else aside from regular dream memory. Fades if I don't think about it too much."

Caleb doesn't say anything. He moves again, down the aisles, fingers tapping against bindings until he pauses over one, and slips it out from the shelf. He stares down at the cover, and then raises it to Fjord's eyelevel. "I think that this might be a good one for Jester."

On the cover is a scantily clad human and elf, wrapped in each other's arms, an awning of roses yawning over their heads. The title is just as trashy as the cover. Fjord's nose wrinkles. "Really?" He huffs. It actually looks vaguely familiar but Fjord isn't sure from where. "Jester might have that one already." He says.

Caleb stares at Fjord for a long moment, and then the corner of his mouth ticks up. "I see." He gently slips the book back between the shelves.

"So... about Avantika..."

"It is fine, Fjord." Caleb says, slanting Fjord a small smile. Just the sight of it lifts Fjord's spirits. "We discussed it enough within the dream." He moves further down the aisle, fast, enough that Fjord has to jog a little to catch up. "I will stop avoiding you, and Beauregard will be pacified."

"So you were avoidin' me."

Caleb doesn't say anything for a moment, and then he shrugs. "It was... a lot to unpack."

Fjord feels a sliver of guilt. "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."    

Caleb shakes his head, tugging free another novel from the shelf, and starting to make a stack in his arms. " _Nein_. It was not you who was making me uncomfortable." He doesn't say any more, and Fjord wants to ask but before he can, Nott appears at the end of the aisle, her eyes wide and blinking and guileless.

"How's the book-shopping going?"

Caleb reaches out a hand, the one not holding his books, and gently pats Nott's hair. "Good, _bitte_ , I have found several books I am interested in."

Nott grins. "Okay, cool, let me know if you need money, okay, Caleb? I can buy them for you too if you want--" Caleb and Nott chatter away, and Fjord follows behind them, thinking about Caleb's last words: _"It was not you who was making me uncomfortable."_

***

Fjord's all warm. The sun is a welcome brush on his skin, and he stretches on their hammock, enjoying it for a little bit longer. It's about midday. Fjord had already done all the work he needed to that morning and now he was relaxing, letting the sound of the sea lull him.

A shadow passes over him, blocking out the sunlight and Fjord opens one eye to see Caleb standing over him, looking amused. "You look comfortable." Caleb says. He is wearing his scholar's robes. He must have just returned from his teaching job in the village.

Fjord rubs his eye. "What time is it?"

"2:30 in the afternoon." Caleb says promptly. "I am early."

Fjord grins and beckons to Caleb with his arm, "lie down with me?"

Caleb sighs good-naturedly, tucking into Fjord's arm and letting him pull him onto the hammock and against Fjord's side. Caleb curls a hand over Fjord's chest and the other cups his bicep. Fjord presses a kiss to the crown of Caleb's bangs. "How was school?" He asks into Caleb's hair.

"Gut. The students are picking up the minor spells very quickly." Fjord can feel Caleb's smile pressing against his shoulder. "They are all very bright."

"Like you?"

" _Ja,_ " Caleb whispers, he sounds sad, "like I was."

Caleb is still very cagey about his past, but Fjord doesn't pry. Instead, his fingers trail to the hem of Caleb's shirt and slide underneath to press against the pale skin there. Caleb sighs into it. "Your hands are warm." He says, leaning more heavily into Fjord.    

Fjord must have dozed off, because when he opens his eyes, Caleb is no longer in the hammock with him and the sky has darkened considerably. Fjord slowly gets up and stretches, peeking through the window into their little house. He can see a flash of Caleb's red hair through the window, moving around, and he smiles at the sight of it before he makes his way inside. Entering the house, the smells hit him immediately: something smells fantastic, and he can see Caleb moving around in their kitchen. Caleb has his sleeves rolled up and he's taken off his robes, hung them on one of the chairs as he flits from a pot on the stovetop to the counter and back.

"Something smells amazing." Fjord says, making Caleb look up in surprise.

"Ah, hallo." Caleb says, nervous.

"I didn't know you could cook." Fjord says, grinning. "Usually we just had Jester or Duece cast their spells, or buy food from vendors or inn breakfasts. I know I'm rubbish in the kitchen."

"Ah, _ja_ ," Caleb looks down. "My mutter, she taught me a bit a long time ago."

"That's real sweet." Fjord grins, and joins Caleb in the kitchen to look into the pot. There's something bubbling in there, but whatever it is smells amazing and it's already making Fjord's mouth water. 

Fjord looks up at Caleb, who is standing stiffly at his side. "What is it?"

"Ah, _eintopf;_  it is like a stew."    

"Sounds delicious." Fjord grins, "do you need me to set the table?"

Caleb nervously fiddles with his fingers. Fjord watches him curiously. "Ah, _nein_ , I can--" 

"It's no trouble Caleb," Fjord touches Caleb's arm and Caleb freezes again. Fjord pulls back, "you focus on cooking, okay? I'll get everything set up."

Caleb is staring at Fjord's hand, more specifically at his fingers. He nods jerkily and then turns away with a flush rising up his neck. Fjord shakes his head and turns to get the table set up. It doesn't take that much longer, it seems the pot had been on the fire for a long while, when Fjord was still sleeping, so Caleb serves it a few moments after Fjord finishes putting their plates out. They sit down opposite each other, and Fjord doesn't hesitate to dig in. It's just as delicious as it smells.

"This is amazing, Caleb." Fjord praises, after inhaling as much in one bite as he can. Caleb never ceases to amaze him.

Caleb shrugs, picking at the food with his fork. Fjord leans forward. "No, really, you'll need to teach me how to cook sometime, 'cause this is a masterpiece."

They finish the rest of their meal, Fjord praising Caleb after nearly every bite, and Caleb shrugging or waving him off. Fjord grabs the dishes when they're done and cleans them, citing that Caleb cooked so Fjord will clean. When he is finished, Fjord finds Caleb curled up on the couch, legs tucked underneath him as he stares at his hand, eyes fixated on his ring finger, where his ring is. He is staring at it in something like disbelief.

"You okay?" Fjord asks, watching him.

Caleb shakily looks up. His lips part a moment and then he nods, looking back down and pressing his other hand to the stone on the ring. It'd taken a while, Fjord had wanted them to have a traditional human marriage, considering Fjord's parentage was half a mystery, and the other half was... not something Fjord was comfortable with. Orc mating rituals were very... violent, and Fjord hadn't wanted that to be a staple for their relationship. So he'd gotten Nott and Jester to help him pick out and make a ring. Nott had been adamant about finalizing and approving the final product, and she'd seemed satisfied with the result: it was a clear, deep blue stone, looped on a silver band. It reminded Fjord of Caleb's eyes when he used his magic.

Fjord grabs Caleb's robes, wrapping them around his forearm and approaches Caleb. "Hey, want to take a bath?" He watches the way Caleb stares at their ring and he leans forward a little, trying to get his attention. "Caleb?"

" _Ja,_ okay." He says, eventually, slowly getting up.  

Fjord lets Caleb enter the bathroom first, putting his robes up for washing, before he enters after Caleb. Caleb jumps, turning around sharply, holding his shirt in his hands where he had been in the process of taking it off. Fjord raises an eyebrow at him, reaching for his own shirt and tugging it off.

"Oh," Caleb says, blinking and staring at Fjord's bare chest. "We are... bathing together."

Fjord looks at Caleb funny. "Well yeah? That's why I asked you."  

"Oh."

Fjord chuckles and drops his shirt, moving towards their bath and starting up the water, holding his hand out to make sure he gets it at the right temperature. Caleb is silent behind him, standing almost stupefied when Fjord looks over his shoulder at him. "Suddenly gettin' modest on me, Caleb?"

Caleb starts, and then he frowns at Fjord, "I am just surprised that you are not more modest. I recall Jester feeling you up and your awkwardness getting half-undressed."

Fjord flushes, "that was years ago."

Caleb takes his shirt off fully, then grasps the waistband of his pants, "modesty is not something that concerns me." And, as if trying to prove something, he slipped out of his pants and undergarments and shucked them to the side. Fjord gave Caleb a once over, lingering on his skinny legs and freckled stomach, his eyes grazing Caleb's more intimate parts. Fjord adored Caleb, every bit of him, but usually, in the bedroom, Caleb took advantage of his experience and called the shots. Fjord loved it that way, but sometimes Fjord liked to get a little teasing in.

When Fjord's eyes reached Caleb's face, he was a deep red color and his arms were crossed over his chest. He raised an eyebrow at Fjord. "Are you just going to stare?" He said.

Fjord lets his eyes go heavy-lidded and dark. "I might. I enjoy looking."

If anything, Caleb's flush deepened. His composure was not very good today, to Fjord's amusement. Fjord turned back to the water, turning the faucet off when the bath was full and moved aside for Caleb. "Alright, should be good to get in." 

Caleb shuffled past him, dipping in and sliding under the water. A sigh of contentment passed through his lips as he leaned back. Fjord smiled at him, kneeling by the side of the tub and letting his hand trail in the water. 

"This is... different." Caleb mutters, after a while.

"Good, different?" Fjord asks, propping his chin on the lip of the tub.

Caleb doesn't reply, instead he turns to face Fjord. His expression is hesitant. "You can join me, if you'd like."

Fjord smirks. "Are you sure your modesty can handle it?"

Caleb rolls his eyes. "I told you, I do not care about modesty."

Fjord shrugs and stands up, getting rid of the rest of his clothes too. He can feel Caleb's gaze on him, trailing over his skin, and it does still light a flush of embarrassment on him, but the anticipation and exhilaration outweighs the anxiety. Caleb sits up and Fjord crowds in behind him, enough that they can sit together, with Caleb between the curve of Fjord's knees, back against his chest. Caleb sighs again when they settle. "That is better."

Fjord chuckles. "Yeah." He lets his hand trail over Caleb's, moving to tangle their fingers together. Caleb tentatively squeezes back, shifting against Fjord to get more comfortable.

It's good, the contact and quiet, just them and the water. Fjord leans his head against Caleb's shoulder, and begins to play with Caleb's hand. His fingers rub against his knuckles, his thumb swiping across the inside of Caleb's wrist and his palm. Fjord grabs for the soap with his free hand and begins to scrub it into Caleb's side and chest. Caleb sighs and tilts into it, letting Fjord scrub him clean. It's a very soothing process for Fjord, tilting Caleb forward so he can lean over him to get at Caleb's knees and legs.

"I can wash your hair as well." Fjord comments, while he's cupping water and letting it run down Caleb's shoulder to wash away the excess soap. Caleb hums, and Fjord grabs the shampoo and gets to work untangling Caleb's waves. Fjord uses his claws to scritch at Caleb's scalp, eliciting a pleasant sound from deep in Caleb's throat. Fjord grins at the back of Caleb's head and does it again, watching with interest as Caleb leans more fully into it, his voice going deep with his groan. "Never heard you make that noise before."

Caleb flinches and then leans away, to Fjord's confusion. "Ah, it felt good." He says, shifting further away, hunching forward and leaning on his hands. It looks almost as if he's trying to hide--

Fjord's grin broadens. "Do you, perhaps, have a little problem. Caleb?"

Caleb turns to glare over his shoulder. His cheeks are high with color and his eyes a little hazy, be it from Fjord's ministrations with the soap on his body and hair, or the steam from the tub, "You think you are funny but you are not, Fjord."

"I think I'm a little funny." He gently touches Caleb's naked back, and Caleb flinches again. "Are you alright?"

" _Ja_ , fine."

Fjord leans back, concerned. "I mean, if you want I could help you with that?"

Caleb doesn't turn around. " _Nein_ , I am good."

"If you're sure." Fjord tilts his legs up, so that his knees are bracketing Caleb's shoulders. Caleb exhales and hunches further in on himself. Fjord watches him with a growing sense of worry. It's almost as if he's ashamed of his reaction, though Fjord doesn't understand why he'd be. He thinks of the early days of their relationship, how awkward Fjord had felt--too gangly, too orc-ish, and how Caleb had soothed him with a surprisingly level of patience and command.

Fjord gets out of the water. Caleb flinches and doesn't look at him as Fjord sits down on the outside of the tub, giving Caleb space. Caleb's eyes are tightly shut, his hands in fists on his thighs, white-knuckled under the swirling water, and Fjord can just make out the dark shape of him, heavy, under the water. "I won't touch you." Fjord reassures, making himself smaller against the side of the tub. "But, I can talk to you? If you want?"

Caleb doesn't say anything for a long moment, and then he nods, eyes still tightly shut, his brow furrowed deep as if in pain.

Fjord nods, and he opens his mouth and he talks. He just talks about his day, about the type of fish he caught that morning, about Jester sending him a message about her travels and about the city she's currently visiting, about all the different kinds of foods he'd be interested in Caleb teaching him to make. Fjord talks and talks and watches as Caleb relaxes, his shoulders loosen and his brow clears and his eyes eventually open and look at Fjord, and Fjord keeps going, to each encouraging nod of Caleb's head or noise, until the water gets too cold and both he and Caleb begin to shiver.

Caleb sneezes and Fjord grins and says, "Alright, that's probably our cue to step out." He holds out his hand to help Caleb up and out, and Caleb takes it, rising with him and stepping out of the tub. They both grab towels and scrub down, wrapping them around themselves. As Fjord goes to leave, Caleb stops him with a light touch to his arm.

"Thank you." Caleb says. His eyes are very blue and earnest and Fjord wants to lean in and press their mouths together, but he doesn't. There is something about what happened in the bathroom that makes Fjord hesitate when he usually would not.

"Any time." Fjord says instead, smiling back at him.

 

When Fjord wakes up to the dim light of dawn just breaking, his head turns to the other bed beside him, and he sees the dark shape of Nott huddled against Caleb's shoulder and Caleb's face tucked in toward her. He can see the flash of Caleb's blue eyes in the dark, looking at him and the bed, and though Fjord knows that human's can't see very well in the dark, he gets the sense that Caleb's been looking at him for a while during the night.  

***

Fjord's wearing a petticoat, tight at the collar. It's itchy and uncomfortable. He's arm and arm with Yasha, for some reason, and she is wearing a stark white dress that falls to her feet and flays out like a gown. Fjord has never seen her wear something like this, and her expression is placid, calm, and completely unconcerned with that fact. They are in a ballroom; there are dozens of other couples wandering or holding hands or dancing together, none that Fjord recognizes. He does notice one skinny man in a blue vest and coattails, flitting from couple to couple with a platter of hors d'oeuvres.

This isn't natural, Fjord knows this immediately. The air smells sharp, like ozone and magic, and Fjord can tell that this dreamy-state he's been put under is due to a magical spell. He wonders for a moment if Caleb used the magic word to change Fjord's dream and wake him from a possible encounter with Uk'otoa, but he doesn't remember Caleb talking to him, like the previous time, and he can't see any other members of the Nein, including Caleb, at all.

Fjord leans in to Yasha, "Where the hell are we?"

Yasha glances at him, and then shakes her head. She puts a finger to her lips for quiet and Fjord nods and acquiesces, letting Yasha lead them around the ballroom. Yasha keeps them to the far sides, always with one eye on the door. Fjord appreciates her instinct to keep an escape route open for them, if need be, as they eye the dancing couples. All of them have expressions of elation on their faces--it's disconcerting. Their smiles are wide and excited and they don't speak or laugh, but they grin at their partners and move around the room like dolls to a puppeteer's tune.

Fjord really hopes that's not the case.

They get to the opposite side of the room from the door, where a stage is set up with a group of instruments and their players, sitting and strumming to a classical tune. The players each have wide-spread grins and eyes that stare at their music sheets vacantly. Fjord skirts that edge of the stage, averting his eyes while a shiver of horror runs down his spine. It's eerie, and Fjord is getting desperate for a familiar face. Yasha is still cool and collected and Fjord wishes he could exude that sort of confidence unconsciously. He squares his face and slips on a mask, hoping he generates the same sort of positive, soulless joy that the other people around them exude.  

"Danish?" A reedy voice asks. Fjord and Yasha look over at the skinny man dressed in blue, who is shorter than the two of them by several inches. He grins up at them, holding up the platter. On closer inspection, Fjord can see that he has pointed ears, elfish, and if Fjord squints, he can see a twinkle in the man's eyes. He looks like a fey.

And that's when Fjord remembers: they'd been investigating a wooded area just outside of a village. The villagers had been dealing with mysterious disappearances: people up and walking from dining tables, wandering into the forest, all of them were adults, and usually in pairs, sometimes a wedded pair, childhood friends, siblings, it was never the same but all witnesses said they just stood up and said they needed to go attend a party, and walked into the wood and didn't return. The Nein had been resting in the inn, passing through, when the inn keeper had told them to lock their doors at night. Caleb had looked alarmed, and Jester curious.

_She had asked. "Why do we need to lock our doors?"_

_"So you and your friends don't up and walk out of them."_

They'd heard the rumors then, about the disappearances. Nott and Jester had wanted to crack the case, bringing back their detective days. Beau had been skeptical about the whole ordeal, and had been suspicious of the villagers, thinking it might be some sort of elaborate plot concocted by the remaining townspeople. They'd split their forces: Beau and Fjord had gone to investigate the town while Nott, Jester, Caleb, Caduceus and Yasha went to the forest. When they'd reconvened, neither team had found very much info--until that night, when a strange man with elvish features had approached them just outside the wood. Caleb had told them he was a fey, and, afterwards, his idea of what was going on in this village. They had agreed to all investigate the wood the following day. And then... 

That's where Fjord's memory falters. He can't remember what happened after they all went to bed. 

The man is still looking at them, and Fjord nods, taking the danish from the plate. Yasha follows his example, also taking a treat and the elvish man grins and winks and ducks away to the serve the rest of the room. 

"Should we eat these?" Yasha asks, when he is gone.

"Definitely not." Fjord says, "but I didn't want to say no. I think that we," and he gestured to the room of dancing couples with his danish, "should play along as best we can, until we know more." 

Yasha nodded, and the two of them kept walking. When Fjord thought they were discreet enough, he threw their danishes to the side behind a curtain in hopes of them not being found and they continued their move around the room. 

They kept their eyes out, but it only seemed like a ballroom full of dancing, happy couples--despite the sinister feeling in the air and the obvious feel of magic. This was some sort of illusion, or they were trapped in some sort of dream state, and Fjord really wished Caleb was here so that he could tell them what sort of magic they would need to get the hell out of here. But, unfortunately, Fjord was very good about putting on a face or a mask or an illusion, but he was not very good at ending them. 

They had just made another circle around the room, when one of the couples moved close enough to them that their clothes brushed together. "Hey," Fjord tried to get their attention, but they treated him like he was air, their vacant, pleased expressions didn't falter and their eyes didn't wander, they just swirled away. 

"They definitely look like they're under some sort of spell." Fjord muttered, watching them go. "Don't know why we aren't affected the same way." 

Yasha tugged on Fjord's sleeve. "I could try to break the spell on me." 

Fjord looked at her out of the corner of his eye. "How do you mean?" 

"I could get very angry."  

"Uh." 

She shrugged. "It might be worth a shot." 

"At this point, I'll do anything." Fjord said, nodding. "Go for it." 

Yasha nodded, and then her cool, calm expression shifted. Her eyes flashed, and her brow creased, her mouth morphed into a snarl and Fjord leaned away from her instinctively. 

It was almost as though breath escaped the room. Suddenly all the couples turned their eyes on them. The music stopped, and it was silent. Fjord felt his hackles rise. "Yasha..." He tried, warningly. 

She growled at him, and Fjord shut up, instead watching as her clothes shifted. The dress slipped away and it was the Yasha he knew, standing in her leathers and pants. Her hand went to her sword, The Magician's Judge, and she unsheathed it with a sharp tug of her wrist. It flashed, magic infusing its clear edge, and Yasha roared and slammed it into the stone floor. The blade shimmered and shined, and a pulse, a surge of magical energy exploded from the blade like a wave: its dispel magic spell swept across the room and Fjord watched with relief as the couples, the room, his clothes disappeared. They were standing in the middle of a wooden clearing: they were in a circle of brown earth, a perfect circle, surrounded by trees. The elven waiter was standing where he had been standing in the illusion, but he was no longer wearing a blue vest. He had on a cloth and was covered in twigs and flowers--his expression was manic with rising indignation. 

"Fjord! Yasha!" Fjord looked over and saw the rest of the Nein surrounding the circle, just outside of it. They were battered, bruised and bloody, from what looked to be a fight, but each of their expressions were relieved. Yasha stood up, raising the Magician's Judge, and Fjord clapped her on the shoulder. 

"Good work." He said proudly. 

The elven man hissed at them in a language Fjord didn't understand. And then spells were flying. 

It was easy after that--either the shock of losing his spell had disoriented him, or weakened him, but the elven man did not put up much of a fight after Fjord and Yasha joined the fray. 

It was over. Fjord fell to the ground, put his hands on his knees and exhaled into the sky. Yasha approached him, stood beside him, her sword still out as she scanned the area, still on high alert. 

Jester skipped by, throwing out healing to their friends. Caduceus approached Yasha and offered her a heal but she waved him off.   

Caleb knelt down in front of Fjord, there was blood on the side of his face, a clean slice through his cheek. Despite that, he looked relieved. "I am glad that you are not dead or possessed." He said, his mouth quirking up.

Fjord chuckled, wiping sweat from his brow. "Yeah, me too. Thanks for the rescue."

Caleb shrugged with one shoulder, "it was a group effort." His expression changed then, slid into something more concerning, more harried, "Fjord, you have to listen to me."

Fjord raised an eyebrow, "I'm listening, Caleb."

Caleb eyes moved around wildly, "I am having difficulty--" he paused, his mouth worked, "--stronger than I thought."  

"What?"

Caleb grew more worried. "This situation never happened." He blurted.  

His eyes locked with Fjord's and his words began to grow faster, more frantic, "We never came to this village, there is no fey," Fjord listened with rising discomfort, something tickling the back of his mind, as if someone was trying to get his attention. Caleb continued, forcing the words out, "It's all just a--"  

Yasha grabbed Fjord's arm, jolting him from the swirl of Caleb's eyes. "It's not real." She said. 

"What?" 

She pulled him harder, forcing him to his feet. Without looking back, she pulled on him, dragging him away from Caleb's knelt form and the rest of the Nein huddled and watching them, confusion on their faces. Caleb rose shakily to his feet, as if a force were trying to keep him on the ground, and Jester stepped, her hand coming out to touch Caleb's shoulder. "Where are you going?" Jester yelled after them, but her eyes were on Caleb.

Yasha pulled harder, forcing Fjord to look away. "Yasha, _what_ is going on?" Fjord asked. He didn't really have a choice, Yasha was leagues stronger than him and she could lift him over her shoulder if she really wanted to. 

"You are still talking funny." Yasha said simply, and Fjord stared at her, and then realized: he wasn't using Vandren's voice. No. He was talking in his real voice. He had been talking in his real voice the entire time. 

Fjord tried to consciously change it, but his real voice came out, "What-- _fuck_ \--what is going on?" He says again.

Yasha leads him through the wood, through the thicket and onwards, Fjord doesn't know, in a direction he can't parse. This would be Caleb's specialty--his fucking brilliant memory--but Fjord is left floundering, trusting Yasha's guidance. She tugs him into another clearing: and Fjord balks at the sight before them. A temple rises up in front of them, not unlike the temple on Urukaxl, but this is made of glistening limestone.

"...What is this?" Fjord asks, turning incredulous eyes on Yasha. She shrugs and begins to ascend the temple. Fjord follows more slowly behind her.

He's getting a bad feeling about this place. There is tension crawling up his spine, something shimmering the air, and Fjord feels like he's about to step over a precipice into something he's been running from for some time now.

It's that thought that begins to make him falter, and that's when Yasha's hand strikes out for his, grabbing a hold of it tight like a shackle around his wrist. Fjord tugs against the hold, and when he looks up at Yasha, her eyes are glowing. "Just a little further." She tells him, in her soft voice, but hard with steel and resonating low with some sort of rumble and Fjord hisses as her eyes flash golden when she turns her head.

There's a commotion from the trees, and then Caleb breaks through the tree line. He's still battered, that cut on his cheek bright and red, but his eyes are wide with fear. "Fjord!" He yells and Fjord instinctively tries to break Yasha's hold, but she tugs harder and Fjord collapses against her, her other arm coming around him for a secure grapple. Caleb's feet move lightning fast until, in a second, he's standing beside them. His face is twisted up. " _I have a message--_ " He begins to say, magic tingling in his voice, but Yasha screams, rage and fury, her face contorting, and Caleb just barely manages to jump back when she tries to get at him too.

Fjord silently apologizes to her, and grabs Caleb's wrist, closing his eyes and willing them away. With a crack of thunder, he and Caleb teleport back down the temple and by the trees, and Caleb grips Fjord's arm in turn, turning to him; his eyes are very dilated. " _I have a message for you_."  

Uk'otoa roars at Fjord, a cacophony around them, and Fjord watches as Caleb's eyes pinch shut, blood beginning to drip from his nose. "Caleb!" Fjord shouts, but that's when the scenery changes: the temple, the forest slides away and the beach house opens up around them. The bed, the books, the window and the sea in the distance.

Caleb teeters, and Fjord reaches out to hold him up. "Jesus, Caleb." Caleb groans and Fjord gently lets him rest against the bed covers. He's still bleeding from his nose, and Fjord uses his thumb to swipe the blood away. "Are you alright?"

" _Nein_." Caleb says, groaning again. "That was... about as much as I was expecting."

"You thought you would get hurt doin' this for me?" Fjord scowls. The more selfish part of him feels elated that Caleb would go to such lengths for him. The more sensible part of himself only feels furious. "Why the fuck did you agree then?"

Caleb blinks open one eye. "You needed the help."

" _Fuck_ , Caleb. I told you I didn't want anyone to get hurt."

Caleb sits up then, his eyes are narrowed, a little bloodshot, and still too dilated. " _Ja,_ and you are a hypocrite. You allowed that _woman_ ," and Caleb spits the word, and Fjord reels back with shock at the vehemence in his voice, "to do those things to you, and you think that we would not go to the same lengths for you?" He glares. "You are not as smart as I believed you to be if you truly think we would just do nothing and let your Uk'otoa take you." Caleb slumps back onto the bed then, his arms covering his eyes, as though suddenly out of energy, and Fjord sits back on his heels, still taken aback.

"I..."

Caleb holds up a hand and Fjord closes his mouth. "I am not in the mood for your apologies. Just give me a moment." Fjord says nothing, just sits and watches as Caleb breathes in and out.

The dream had felt so real. The details all so sharp in his head. Had Uk'otoa been fucking with him that whole time? Was any of it real? They could be all the way in another continent for all Fjord knew. His mind was a jumble, forced to play to a dance and song choreographed by a god, where Fjord didn't know the lyrics or the moves.

He glanced up at Caleb, who was still slumped over, his eyes covered, and Fjord felt a flash of fear in his belly. Was this real? Maybe this was all a part of Uk'otoa's ruse too.

After all, he had thought Yasha was real.  

"Caleb?" Caleb grunted but didn't move. Fjord cautiously sat up, leaning closer to his slumped companion, hoping he could get a glimpse of Caleb's eyes, but his arm was completely blocking Fjord's view. Fjord tried again, calling out to him. This time Caleb scowled from under his arm.

"I only need a moment to rest, Fjord." He said, tone clipped.

"Yeah, well I don't have a moment." Fjord said back, hard, and rose up on his haunches over Caleb's prone form and yanked hard on Caleb's arm. The sudden violent movement caught Caleb off guard, exposing his wide, surprised expression. Fjord looked down into Caleb's eyes. Instead of golden, they were as vibrantly blue as they had ever been, and as Fjord searched his face, Caleb's pupils slowly expanded under his sharp gaze.

"What are you doing, Fjord?" He asked. The words came out slow, with trepidation.    

Fjord leaned away, but kept a tight grip on Caleb's arm. "Are you real?"

Caleb froze, his muscles tensing, before he said, quite deliberately, "why are you asking?"

Fjord lets Caleb go, turning away and slumping down with his knees tucked up. "I don't know. Everything's all messed up in my head." He pressed his hands into his eyes, as if he could force the fear and uncertainty from his brain. "My memory is shot to hell, and I feel like half the things I do remember are all a lie."

Fjord looked up from the press of his hands, feeling the world tilting around him. "I don't know what's real anymore." 

Caleb stares at him, and then hesitantly sits up, his hand reaching for Fjord until it lightly touches his elbow. Fjord lets him, looking at the contrast between Caleb's pale, lightly freckled hand and Fjord's green skin. "This is real, Fjord." Caleb squeezes his arm. "I will prove it to you." Caleb lifts his other hand and waggles his fingers. His familiar globules of light ascend from his fingertips, rising into the air like a halo around his head, lighting up his hair to crimson. "So, when you wake up." He continues, watching the way his lights move around them, "you will ask me what happened in the dream, and I will tell you this," he looked down to face Fjord eye-to-eye. "I gave you a lightshow, _ja_?"

Fjord looked at Caleb, and then at the lights twirling around them like a pinwheel. He looked down at his hands, closed them into fists, and dug down deep for some courage. He looked up, at Caleb's faintly glowing face, light playing on his eyes, and reached out to cup his cheek. Caleb's eyes flickered, with something Fjord couldn't identify, and Fjord willed the longing from his face. "Or," he swallowed, "I could ask you about this." Fjord leaned in, but he stopped a scant few inches before their lips could touch and whispered, "stop me if you don't want to," before he leaned all the way in.

And Caleb let him. Caleb _let him._

It was brief, barely a kiss, but Fjord was too elated to care. He pulled back, taking in the sight of Caleb's eyelashes, the flicker of blue in his eyes, and he wanted to again. And again.

***

Subconsciously, Fjord begins to watch the other members of the Nein for shifts in eye color, or for their voices to get low and deep and rumbly. It doesn't take long for the more perceptive members of the party to take notice.

"Why are you lookin' at me funny, Fjord?" Beau corners him. "You've been eyeing us all for a bit lately; it's real creepy man."

"Sorry, thought I was bein' subtle."

"Nope. Definitely not subtle." She raises an eyebrow "Something on your mind?"

Fjord shrugs. "The usual, mostly."

Beau looks at him with a raised eyebrow, before she shakes her head and moves away, as if he isn't worth her time. Beau's attitude, at least, gives Fjord the relief that she is real. But Uk'otoa had managed to use his connection with Fjord to get an accurate read on the Nein, somehow, at least that's how Fjord thinks of it all.

They are back in Zadash again, returned after another job for The Gentleman. His previous dream still sits heavily on Fjord's conscious. His eyes track Caleb every moment that he thinks about it, but Caleb doesn't say anything about it, other than to pull Fjord aside the morning after and confirm his 'lightshow' in the dream. Fjord had wanted to ask him about it, if it had been alright, if he had only let Fjord do that because he had seen something in his mind--after all, Caleb had made the dream into Fjord's fantasy house. Instead, Fjord forces his mind to the more sinister parts of his predicament--his other frequent dream-visitor.

Fjord takes Beau aside and asks her about her Cobalt Soul and their infinite library. Beau had looked surprised that he of all people would be interested.

"I want to do a bit of light readin'." He had said and Beau had narrowed her eyes but ultimately shrugged, pinching Fjord's shoulder as she led him into the library.  

Fjord wanders his way through the shelves of volumes after volumes of books, scrolls, tomes... he can see where Caleb could get lost in here--not appearing for days on end. He reaches a section of the library encased in dark lighting, a bit eerie, and understandably so considering the topics covered in it. The dust settling on the spines of books, and Fjord has to blow and wipe the dust away to see their titles. He grabs a few from the shelf, not really sure where he should start, and retraces his steps as best he can to return to Beau, who had set up a table for them to read.

When he eventually finds her again, he sees that she has situated herself alongside Caleb, who has his nose buried in a book. Beau, when she sees Fjord approach, waves him over with a not-at-all-quiet, "Hey. we're over here!"

Caleb looks up from his reading, his brow furrowed, and does something like a double take at the sight of Fjord. "You are... studying?" He asks, haltingly, in the throes of surprise.

Fjord shrugs and sits down opposite him. "Yeah, I read from time to time."

Caleb stares at him, and then down at the books in Fjord's hands. Fjord sheepishly turns the titles around for Caleb to get a better look. Caleb's expression clears in understanding when he sees how they are tomes on Eldritch gods and abominations. He gives Fjord an intent look, before he returns to his own research. Beau, leaning against the chair and beginning to look bored, says nothing, only eyeing them up with her sharp eyes, and Fjord gingerly opens the first tome with a gentle claw.

There isn't much of anything on what Fjord has experienced. Nothing about Uk'otoa beyond vague mentions--nothing by name, and nothing concrete. Fjord gets restless within the hour, and he glances at Caleb's serene, focused look with envy. He usually learns better by doing, but in this case, that's not an option for him.

Caleb must have noticed his frustration and taken pity on him, because he suddenly gets up from his chair and wanders over to Fjord's side, sitting down in the seat next to him and gesturing for Fjord to move his tome over so he can see. Fjord passes him the book, and starts to open another but Caleb touches Fjord's hand to stop him. "Read this one with me a second." Caleb begins then to speed-read at an alarming rate, flipping through pages and pointing out things, asking Fjord whether he finds any of the material familiar. 

"Damn, Caleb. You're a masterpiece." Fjord praises, watching how quickly and easily Caleb is able to discern important information from the tome that Fjord had been struggling with for over an hour. 

Caleb shrugs. "I do a lot of reading. You learn a thing or two."

Fjord doesn't really think when he says, "No, really, I'm so amazed by how much you can do. Always." Caleb looks at him from under his lashes, Fjord isn't sure what his expression means, but he feels himself getting hot under the collar.  

Beau snorts and they both look up, having forgotten she was there. "You two are disgusting." She says, wrinkling her nose. "Get a room if you're gonna flirt in front of me, eugh."

Fjord instantly flushes; thinking about Caleb's fair eyelashes hiding blue eyes, the press of their mouths together, quick but everything.

Caleb gives Beau a narrow-eyed look. "If you think this is flirting, I have a wonder how you ever get laid."

Beau scowls at him and leans forward. "Is that a challenge, Widogast?" She points a finger at him, ignoring one of the Cobalt Soul librarians that appears at their table, a finger to their lips. Fjord gives them an apologetic look. "Because if it is, you are _on_."

Caleb quietly closes the book, to Fjord's confusion, and then stands up, nodding to the librarian, before he looks back at Beau. He raises his chin. "Let's leave before we are chucked out of the library for good, _ja_?"

"But what about the--" Fjord starts but Caleb waves him off, collecting the books he was reading and handing them off to the librarian, who has begun to scowl at them.

"I have read all of those tomes already, and most of the ones you will find in here, none of them have the information you are seeking."

Fjord balks, and Beau slants him a commiserating, surprised look too. "You've... read them?"

Caleb nods, looking unconcerned. "I needed to know what I was getting into when I offered to cast that spell. Also, I had the time to kill."

Beau looks between the two of them like they both have second heads before she snorts, "Alright, Caleb, you're right. This is more your kind of flirting." She smirks, "has it gotten you laid yet?"

Caleb frowns at her, but doesn't reply and she snickers and leads them out of the Cobalt Reserve. Fjord follows several steps behind, feeling like his ears are ringing.

***

There's blood in Fjord's mouth, hot iron, and his throat is swelling. The creature they'd been fighting, something half-dragon, half-crocodile, had taken a chunk out of his upper torso; his throat had been nicked by its sharpened teeth, and he was pretty sure his shoulder was mangled beyond recognition. Fjord could barely feel his own feet, staggering as he was, with his good hand raised, firing off eldritch blasts at the creature's head. He hears its roar, guttural and vicious, coming from between its wide mouth and he misty-steps just in time to avoid another bite. Fjord nearly collapsed against the tree he collided with, pain shooting up his side from the wound. He began to fumble in his pouch for a health potion, before he remembered that he'd given his last one to Caduceus, thrown it at him really, when the firbolg had nearly gone down after the creature had taken a chunk out of him too.

This was a fight they had not been expecting, half exhausted from an earlier battle with some bandits that afternoon.

They were split four ways, Fjord had seen Jester and Nott dashing off into the darkness, both turning to cloaks of invisibility, and he hadn't seen where they'd gone after that, and Yasha had grabbed Beau by the arm and hauled her over her shoulder after she'd gone unconscious, dragging her to safety where Caduceus had hidden for a quick heal. He had last seen Caleb when he'd called up a wall of fire to block Caduceus and Beau from view, to give them time to heal, but that was about when the draco-crocodile had taken a chunk out of Fjord, and he'd lost consciousness for a moment.     

He was completely backed up against the tree now, the creature's teeth flashing red with Fjord's blood as it advanced. Fjord tried to staunch the bleeding, knowing he had about one more spurt of strong magical power before he'd be tapped. He could misty step a second time, or move with the crack of thunder, hopefully leap near to the others and Caduceus could lend him a hand. Or he could let Uk'otoa's hunger swallow the creature whole: use the distraction to retreat. His mind was working on overdrive, not nearly as analytical or successful as Caleb's, but Fjord was smart in his own right, strategic, he had to be, to have survived this long, and the draco-crocodile lunged for him just as Fjord decided thunder-step it is.

He springs away, sending ripples of crackling energy in his wake, like an earthquake that rocks the creature to its knees, and Fjord is elsewhere, nearly colliding with the flames of Caleb's firewall. He comes out just within its edges. His armor protects him from most of it but his shirt sleeves are singed, and there are a few burns on his shoulders, but he is mostly okay aside from the massive gash in his side and throat. He staggers, spent, and falls into someone, who grabs him and nearly falls with him. He hears Beau shout something, Caduceus must have picked her up, and then there are hands scrabbling at his clothes and armor, frantic in his hair, before a voice says, "lay him down," and Fjord finds himself face first in the dirt.

"Fjord? _Bärchen,_ breathe. Please." Caleb's voice, and Fjord groans happily in relief and pain.

"He's bleeding a lot, Caduceus!" Beau shouts.

"That's not good." Caduceus' lazy voice says, and he hears him, close now, "Mr. Caleb, I can help him if you move over a bit."

Fjord hears someone shuffle over, and then a larger hand cups his shoulder, very lightly, with warm energy. "This may sting, Mr. Fjord." and then presses down.

Pain, like fire, scalding, from the simple press of his hand, causes Fjord to scream out, before he can bite down on his tongue. It's only a brief exclamation, but it's enough that he hears an intake of breath, shaky, and Beau's soft, "shit" from somewhere over his head."

"This will take time to mend." Caduceus says, speaking low and calm, and Fjord is grateful for that, at least, that Caduceus is so composed when Fjord is very clearly on the cusp. "I will need someone to protect us should the creatures get too close."

"Done." Beau says, and Fjord hears her leave. Another hand touches the skin of Fjord's neck, light, almost like it isn't there.

"I'm going to bring down the wall." Caleb says, his voice hard.

There is a moment when there is nothing, and then Caduceus says slowly, "Are you sure--?"

" _Ja_ ," Caleb says, and there is a sizzle of fire extinguishing and then Caduceus' soft, "oh."

Fjord doesn't know what happens after that, there is the sound of battle, but he can barely move to see it, and Caduceus' soft hands and voice tell him to stay still as healing energy continues its work over him. When, finally, Caduceus gives the all clear, Fjord is allowed to sit up. His shoulder feels significantly better, no longer like a useless, painful mess, and looking over it is whole again, though he can see a scar line of teeth where he'd been chewed into. Fjord looks up and slants Caduceus' a relieved smile, but Caduceus is looking elsewhere, his brow furrowed. Fjord follows his gaze, over to the battlefield.

The trees are completely charred; leaves are gone and turned to dust, the black soot staining bark and looking like a firestorm raged the area in under a few seconds. The grass is black, and there is an obvious line where Caleb's wall was, but now Fjord can see where a blast of fire must have impacted the ground. There are two bodies, of the draco-crocodiles, charred and looking like husks of themselves, laying strewn across the grass, and Caleb, standing, his face turned away and arm still outstretched where presumably he was when he unleashed what Fjord assumes to be his fireball. He has only seen such massive fire damage three times: a fireball on a giant, a fireball on the deck of the Squall-Eater, and a fireball to the face, and he is glad he only had to experience it the one time (once was enough).

Beau is approaching Caleb in long strides, a crisscross of wounds up her arms and torso, but she looks mostly whole, after a bout of healing from Caduceus no doubt, and Yasha gets to her feet, her sword planted into the soft earth, sweat in her hair and on her forehead. She's covered in blood too, and Fjord realizes then that Caleb's coat is stained with it. He momentarily feels fear--that Caleb had been seriously injured--but when Beau tugs Caleb around, Fjord sees that Caleb's eyes are blank and glassy, and though the blood stains his clothes and the side of his face, he doesn't have a scratch on him.

"It's yours." Caduceus tells him, catching Fjord's eyes. "He caught you when you came through the wall. You did not... look well, Mr. Fjord."

"I didn't feel well, trust me." Fjord jokes, sitting up and rolling his shoulder. It strains a little, but at least it's there. Caduceus pats Fjord's hand and stands up, helping Fjord to his feet too.

"Where are Jester and Nott?" Fjord asks, just as the two of them appear. Nott races for Caleb at once, and Jester comes to him and Caduceus, her eyes wide.

"We got stuck on the other side of Caleb's wall and had to go around; we were trying to be sneaky so it took a while but you guys had it handled!" She grins, but the skin around her eyes is crinkled with worry. "Are you all okay?" Her fingers splay with magical energy and she presses a hand to Fjord's new scar. The healing energy surges through him and he sighs into it, relieved, as Jester trails a finger over the ridges of where he'd been nearly cut in two. "I wish I could take the scars away." She mutters and Fjord shrugs, and grins sloppily back at her.

"Scars are cool."

Jester pokes Fjord's eyebrow, where his other scar is, and then touches lightly the one slicing through his lip. "They don't detract from your handsomeness at all, Fjord!"

Caduceus touches Fjord's shoulder, turning his attention to the firbolg. "We should let you get some rest now. Make camp and bed down for the night."

They all head towards Caleb, who is holding Nott's hand as he uses the other to start preparing their hut. His eyes are still faraway, and when Fjord approaches to thank him for the help, he only nods without looking at him.

When the hut is complete, and the Nein sequestered inside of it, Fjord lays down heavily between the soft, plush side of Caduceus (who, surprisingly, happily allows himself to be a pillow; Jester and Beau immediately pile in) and the familiar snuffling weight of Nugget, who yips and licks, having avoided the majority of the battle alongside Nott and Jester, and due to his impressive Blinking abilities.     

Fjord falls asleep seconds after his head presses to Caduceus' soft fur.

 

The scenery opens up around him, muzzy and warm, his head tucked underneath his arm. A hand touches him, swipes at his cheek and then gently slides down to his shoulder, "Wake up, _Schatz_."

Fjord sighs into it, turning and tilting his head up, opening his eyes. Caleb smiles down at him, looking warm, content, relaxed--not covered in blood and gore, eyes glassy and dazed.

Fjord smiles and reaches a hand up to cup the back of Caleb's neck, bringing him in. His shoulder twinges, for some reason, but Fjord ignores it and lets the waves of pleasure from kissing Caleb take over. Caleb's fingers trail teasingly down his chest, slip around his side and begin to work on sliding his shirt up his body. Fjord allows it, always happy to go with Caleb's flow, and raises his arms so Caleb can divest him of his shirt. When his head is freed, Fjord shoots Caleb a grin and Caleb smiles back at him, the corner of his mouth quirked, looking sly.

He teases Fjord then, trails his fingers and spends time playing with Fjord's nipples, and then scratching lightly across his stomach, which makes Fjord shiver. He tugs at Fjord's sleep pants, but doesn't pull them down, just dips his fingers beneath the hem of the pants and swipes at the skin of his hipbone. Fjord moans, despite himself, trying to tamp down on his pleasure by biting his lip but Caleb just keeps teasing him, taking his time, and Fjord is helpless to the play of his hands on him.

Then, Caleb uses his mouth, trails his lips across each inch of Fjord's skin, kissing and nipping here and there until Fjord is holding Caleb by the hair and trying hard not to force his head up so they can kiss and get things _started already_ , but his voice is betraying him, something that rarely happens to him, and he finds he can only gasp and hang on for the ride.

But something changes. Inexplicably, Caleb suddenly pauses, his mouth over Fjord's left pectoral, and then his fingers bite into Fjord's skin, hard enough to make Fjord wince. "Caleb?" Fjord manages, and then Caleb is gripping him tight and moving up his body, latching his mouth to the curve of Fjord's shoulder. His fingers move fast to tangle in Fjord's hair, and Fjord can hear him muttering words in Zemnian, unknowable, soft and quick, a litany of something, before he bites down, hard, on the juncture between neck and shoulder. Fjord yelps, surprised and taken aback by how hard he suddenly becomes.

Caleb is nearly rough with him then, his fingers scratching in his hair, pulling at times, and Fjord leans into it, unsure why for the sudden change but always with Caleb wherever he chooses to take them. Caleb is rough, yes, but he is soft where his mouth touches, latched to Fjord's shoulder and pressing kisses to each edge of it. Fjord is a little confused by the attention he is paying to that part of his body, but he goes with it, his own hands tangling in Caleb's hair.

When his fingers touch Caleb, Caleb jolts away, sitting up, and Fjord gets a good look at his face, high with color and eyes wild with something Fjord doesn't understand.

"Are you okay, Caleb?" Fjord asks him.

Caleb doesn't respond. Instead, his eyes rake over Fjord's face, in a way that makes Fjord blush, before he surges forward and they are kissing, frantic and sloppy--not anything like their usual morning sex.

When he pulls away, Fjord's lips feel raw from their kisses and Caleb's mouth looks red. He doesn't pause though, he sits up and throws his shirt off, then begins to quickly divest himself of the rest of his clothes. He doesn't tease now, once he is naked, he grabs Fjord's pants, "Lift up," he says, his voice raw and heavily accented and Fjord gulps and complies, raising his hips so Caleb can pulls his pants off of him. They are both naked now and Caleb's eyes are a trail of fire over Fjord's skin, before he leans forward and takes Fjord in hand.

Fjord jolts, surprised, and leans away from Caleb's grip. Caleb lets him go, his brow furrowed with confusion and something almost like fear in his eyes. "I-I am sorry I should have asked."

"No, it's not that Caleb." Fjord reassures him. "It's just..." He feels a little awkward. He hasn't had to voice his wants and needs in the bedroom because he and Caleb had already hashed that out, in the very early stages of their relationship. "Usually I'm the one who--" He motions to the two of them and Caleb nods, jerkily.

"Oh." He says, and then hesitantly adds, "do you not like...?"  

Fjord looks at him funny, flushing a little. "I.. it's not that I don't like it,,. it's more... unimportant?" Fjord shrugs. "I just don't... sometimes I don't want..." The sensation of his skin crawling curls up the back of his spine. It has been a long time since he has felt uncomfortable with sex, and Caleb's eyes blink and understanding seems to dawn on his face. "If you want to do it this way I can--" 

Caleb leans forward, "We will do what makes you the most comfortable... I am--" His eyes flash with something, Fjord would categorize it as something like longing but he doesn't understand why Caleb would look at him that way now, after so many years together. "I am happy to be with you, here, in any way that I am allowed."

Fjord smiles at him, the tension that had been climbing into his shoulders releases. "You're always allowed, Caleb." Fjord leans forward then and takes him in hand this time, and Caleb sighs into it, his eyelashes fluttering. He begins to move his hand and Caleb shudders. Fjord watches the pleasure build on his face, and Fjord smiles at him, happy, because this is what he likes about sex--the moment when he can see his partner enjoying themselves.

It doesn't take long, to Fjord's satisfaction, and Caleb comes against Fjord's side, his face pressed into Fjord's shoulder, shuddering with his release. He mouths more Zemnian against his skin, and when he pulls back, he looks sated and content, and Fjord feels pleased.  

"You look like the canary who has caught the cream." Caleb mutters, blinking up at Fjord and pressing his thumb to the corner of Fjord's cheek, where his dimple shows. "Are you sure you do not need reciprocation?"

Fjord hums, turning his head so he can catch the pad of Caleb's thumb in his mouth. He kisses it. "Nah. Sometimes I don't mind it, but usually I don't want it."

Caleb nods and his thumb pulls away and his hand caresses Fjord's face, pulling him in until they are kissing again, soft kisses, nothing like the rough ones from before, and Fjord pulls away and asks, "What was all that before? You were clutching at me like I was gonna fly away."

Caleb pauses, his expression goes contrite. "I apologize. That must have been confusing."

"A bit." Fjord says, shrugging.  

Caleb looks away. "I... I am sorry to have taken advantage of you, Fjord. I was just..." He shivers and Fjord touches his shoulder and pulls him in until they are touching in something like a hug, but it's mostly Caleb leaning against him.

"Taking advantage? What do you mean?" Fjord chuckles.

Caleb sighs and closes his eyes. Then he says, magic coloring his words, " _I have a message for you_."

The air shifts, and Fjord's memory reasserts itself. He blinks, looks down at Caleb and then stiffens with dread.

Caleb must feel Fjord react, because he pulls away and makes room between them on the bed, tucking his knees up to cover himself. "I am sorry. I just wanted--"

"Caleb it's fine." Fjord begins, still in shock. He's having trouble wrapping his head around the fact that he and Caleb, the real Caleb, just had sex... in his fantasy. It's all a little hard to process. "I--" Fjord swallows, "how long?"

"Have I known?" Caleb says, meekly. "A bit of time, _ja_ , since entering your first dream of this," he waves his hand to their surroundings, "this house, this life."

Fjord gulps. "Caleb I can't begin to explain--"

Caleb cuts him off, "you do not need to. Allowing me access to your dreams was already a step that makes you vulnerable and I took advantage of your trust."

Fjord reaches out to try to touch him, but Caleb shifts away, turning so he fully faces him, his brow furrowed. "Your most frequent fantasy is of the two of us, but it always takes place around this dream house of yours, on the beach, and we live together and we are..." Caleb pauses and breathes out quietly, "we are married." He pauses again, and then looks intently at Fjord, his eyes searching, "You dream about it so often, and yet there is no mention of it at all when we are awake. No inkling that you might... want that. I did not want to step..." He doesn't finish, looking supremely uncomfortable and Fjord can relate.

He doesn't know how to feel right now. On one hand, he's elated that it seems Caleb returns his feelings, something he had struggled not to hope for, on the other hand, Caleb's been aware of it for a long time and hasn't said a thing about it, which is either a blessing or a cruelty, Fjord can't decide which.

Instead of worrying about it, Fjord closes his eyes and says, 'fuck it.' "Uk'otoa has been... tempting me."

Caleb looks at Fjord, "How do you mean?"

"He's been showing me these... rewards. Rewards that he will give me should I release him."

"The power over the ocean?" Caleb prompts.

"Among other things." Fjord hedges. Caleb's eyes narrow. "But I know that these rewards of his can't be... he can't give them to me; I'm certain he has no intention to." Fjord adds, quickly. "And he's getting more impatient as time goes on."

They stare at each other, silence brewing between them with the weight of Fjord's words, and the memory of Uk'otoa killing Fjord in his dreams. Caleb curls in on himself even further.  

"I think," Fjord says, finally, after the silence has wrung its course and Caleb's shoulders have visibly tightened, "that Nott's idea is the best idea."

Caleb looks up, curiosity making the tense lines of his face soften, "Nott's idea?"

"Yeah," Fjord nods, slowly "she told me to either find a way to get more time, or to tell him to fuck off."

Caleb's mouth twitches, as if he is trying to fight down his amusement, and he does wrangle it into submission, expression going worried when he says, "and you are... entertaining this idea? To tell your Uk'otoa to fuck off... to lose your power?"

Fjord looks away. Truth be told, he doesn't know what he'll do if Uk'otoa no longer favors him. It's a real possibility that it could happen, whether Fjord agrees to freeing him or not. He's spent a majority of his life without magic, but he's become used to it, and he doesn't want to lose it. The selfish part of him likes the power, likes the abilities he's been granted, likes feeling useful to the group.

"Are you certain that this will not get you killed?" Caleb sits up, eyes searching Fjord's face.  

"When am I ever certain of anything?" Fjord replies, with a dark chuckle.

Caleb frowns, his hand twitches and reaches out but doesn't connect with anything. Instead it hangs suspended between them, and it is Fjord who closes the gap, taking Caleb's hand and pressing it to his bare thigh. "I will follow your decision, Fjord, whatever that may be." He says, slowly, his mouth pinched tight, "But I..." His grip tightens around Fjord's thigh. "I am... afraid for you." He gets out. "If you refuse Uk'otoa outright, it will make you suffer, I am sure of that."

Fjord whispers, "Just so," thinking of another person, a woman, with her hands around his throat, and Caleb shudders, most assuredly thinking the same thing.

Fjord's hand comes up to cup the side of Caleb's neck, concern melding with affection in him. Caleb shudders again, this time for a different reason, and leans into it. "I won't make Uk'otoa my enemy." He assures. "Not yet. I still have things I want to do." He nudges his hand under Caleb's chin, swiping his thumb across Caleb's beard. "Like helpin' you with your stuff. Gods know you've helped me enough with mine."

Caleb looks away, "this is all for my favor?"

Fjord shakes his head, smiles a little, "no, I'm just selfish," and he tilts Caleb's chin all the way up and slots their mouths together.    

 ***

Fjord's in the water again. It's heavy, oppressive, in ways that he has become used to, the way the water feels now to him.

There is a shape in the water with him.  A long serpent moves across his peripheral, an endless body, before a large, yellow eye opens in front of him. 

 _Watching._ It says.

Fjord opens his mouth, "I'll do it." 

The eye stares at him, listless, unblinking. 

"Go to the temple. Release you. I just need time." Fjord continues. 

The eye stares at him for longer. Then it blinks, and the scenery changes around him, shifts and Fjord is wading in the water but now the Nein are all there, smiling and happy and pleased with him, and they all have golden eyes. Caleb, in the front, reaches out a hand for Fjord's, and Fjord takes it. He draws him towards him and tilts his chin up to Fjord, beckoning. 

 _Reward._ Uk'otoa insists. 

"I'm listening." Fjord answers, leaning down all the way, closing his eyes and meeting Caleb in the middle.

 

When Fjord opens his eyes, Nott is still sleeping in Caleb's bed and Caleb, the real Caleb, not the Caleb of his fantasies, or the Caleb who appears in his dreams, the _real_ one, too thin, bags under his eyes, always dirty, is sitting beside him on his bed, biting his lip. Fjord sits up and Caleb twitches, as if he wants to lean forward and touch him. 

They stare at each other, nervous and suddenly hyper aware of the tension in the air. 

"I think it worked." Fjord says into the quiet, once he's had enough of the stalemate. "I bought us some time." 

"How long?" 

Fjord shrugs. "Probably not long." He sits up in a cross-legged position, looking down at his hands. He looks at the green, dual-toned skin of his palm, the darker green lines that make up his heart-lines. "But that's somethin'."

Caleb leans forward, until he's in Fjord's space. He looks unsure of himself, unsure of where their boundaries are. They haven't done this outside of the dreams yet. Fjord isn't sure how many times they've done it in his dreams, he's still a little muzzy on the details of how long their relationship has been going on, but Caleb insists it wasn't that long. What Fjord can remember with crystal clarity is the last dream, the most recent, the press of Caleb against his body, the both of them naked, panting into each other's mouths, Caleb's hands on him and Fjord clutching Caleb by the hip. Caleb's words that jolted Fjord into awareness, the magic swirling between them; he remembers the crash of emotion. 

Looking at Caleb now, in the pale lighting of their room in the inn, not the clean sheets of Fjord's fantasy house, Fjord wants to recreate that dream in real life. 

Fjord leans towards Caleb, "Can I...?"

Caleb nods, jerkily, once, then says lowly, " _Ja,_ if you still want--" 

" _Caleb_. Of course I want. Did those dreams of mine not tell you about all my stupid feelin's?" Fjord reaches out and cups Caleb's cheek as gently as he can, astounded by the fact that he can actually touch Caleb like this. 

Caleb looks away. "I, I was not sure if I had ruined... if what I did would have changed anything." 

Fjord snorts. "I wanted you before this whole dream business, and I'll want you after. It's been..." Fjord flushes. "It's been a long time for me." 

Caleb makes a noise in his throat, almost a whine but not quite, before he surges forwards and they meet finally, for the first time, in real life. 

Fjord doesn't need Uk'otoa's reward. 

Because he already has what he wants. 

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warnings: There are some allusions to Dubious Consent (related to some facets of Avantika/Fjord, and a dream sequence where Caleb does not reveal to Fjord that he is real until after they have sex) 
> 
> **Dream:**  
>  Choose a creature on the same plane of existence known to you. Creatures that don't sleep are immune. You or a willing creature you touch enters a trance state, acting as a messenger. While in the trance, it's aware of its surroundings, but can't take actions or move. 
> 
> If the target is asleep, the messenger appears in its dreams and can converse with it as long as it remains asleep. The messenger can also shape the dream's environment. The messenger can emerge from the trance at any time, ending the spell early. The target recalls the dream perfectly upon waking. If the target is awake when you cast the spell, the messenger knows it, and can end the trance or wait for the target to fall asleep.
> 
>    
> (The way I sort of interpreted this was that, if the messenger tries to pass on a message to their target (dreamer), or changes the dream, then, upon waking, the target remembers the dream perfectly. If the messenger chooses not to interact with the target, or ends the spell early, the target is unaware of the messenger's movement in their dream. (Yay for gray areas). Also this is fanfiction and I wanted to play around with the idea of Caleb choosing to keep some of his activities in Fjord's dreams a secret, because he's a little shady like that. I mean, if you had access to some of your more mysterious teammate's inner dreams, wouldn't you go snooping too?)


End file.
